S1 E34 Breaking The Upper Limit with Sober Curious Life Coach Renee Adams

Jane Ballard (00:01.022)
Renee, thank you so much for joining us today. I'm so excited to hear your perspective on sober curiosity.

Renee Adams (00:07.547)
Yes, thank you so much for having me. We've talked a little bit here and there. We're in the same kind of program right now. So I'm I'm elated and just so grateful to be here with you today to talk a little bit about

Jane Ballard (00:22.592)
That's awesome, well thank you. Well maybe to start out, let's jump right in, maybe tell me a little bit about who you are, where you are in the world, and how you got interested in this sober curiosity movement.

Renee Adams (00:35.559)
Yeah, absolutely. So I'm currently in Savannah where it's blazing hot. Can hardly go outside at the moment. Yes. Yeah. Oh my gosh. It's like an oven outside. But yeah, so in Savannah, I've been here for about 10 years now. It's me and my husband and we've got two fur babies, no human children at the moment. yeah, just a little bit about kind of my...

Jane Ballard (00:42.102)
Ugh. Probably humid.

Jane Ballard (00:55.079)
Aww.

Renee Adams (01:01.455)
background. So growing up as a kid, know, both of my parents were very high achieving. You know, I have one brother, one older brother, kind of a stereotypical, I guess, kind of upbringing in the 90s. Didn't really talk too much about emotions. Again, I said like high achieving. So there was just a lot of

Jane Ballard (01:21.278)
Mm -hmm.

Renee Adams (01:31.111)
pressure in the household to do well at school, do well in sports, be likable, know, also like the etiquette around being around other people and how you should act. And so there was a lot of, like I said, pressure growing up, not, I think any more than maybe like the normal, whatever normal is for people. But looking back,

Jane Ballard (01:52.0)
Mm -hmm.

Jane Ballard (01:57.095)
Right. Culturally normal for where you were in the United States in the 90s.

Renee Adams (02:01.579)
Yeah, yeah, for sure. And I think, you know, looking back on it now as an adult, I think it's just starting to make a little more sense around why I am the way I am and how with a lot of situations, it's really like a pass or fail type of mentality. So it's been really fun and interesting to kind of unpack that. So

I guess my going into sort of the sober curiosity portion of things. I probably had my first drink maybe around the 12 to 13 year olds age.

Jane Ballard (02:43.84)
Mm -hmm. And you know what? I think that age is really, really common for people. I think I was 13.

Renee Adams (02:48.995)
Yes. Yeah.

you know, right into that like stage of like where hormones and like society and like friends and pressure and all of those things. And I also had a household where alcohol was around and it was acceptable. know, culturally, I have French Canadian background. And so it wasn't unusual to have a glass of wine at dinner around like the 14 age, like with my

parents obviously around but just in the household. So it was kind of a normalcy. And so from there, again, kind of a stereotypical sort of, okay, I my first drink around 12 to 13 years old, then going into like middle school and high school, going to parties and having the pressure of like your friends. I also was very, you know, good in school

Jane Ballard (03:29.747)
Yeah.

Renee Adams (03:51.609)
I also played lacrosse and so just having that sort of stereotypical through college, know, drinking, like drinking was around, it was a thing and it wasn't even a question which now that I look back it's kind of like my gosh especially as an athlete why aren't we

Jane Ballard (04:12.18)
Yeah. Why are we doing this?

Renee Adams (04:13.989)
Concerned yeah, like why aren't we concerned here and you know the amount of alcohol that I drank in college? Being a division one athlete man, I just I I'm sorry to my body because

Jane Ballard (04:31.658)
So tell me about this. what I'm hearing you say is very similar to my own story where they're, not that I was a D1 athlete, that would have been nice, but the achievement piece, and there's this fine balance that we have alcohol over here, but we keep it in check because we also have these other areas like academics and athletics that are very important and we need to achieve there as well. And so we have like this very fine balance in motion.

Renee Adams (04:53.189)
Right.

Jane Ballard (05:01.31)
that somehow tends to stay intact for people. And I think we minimize when we're in it, how much it's actually impacting us. Like you just said, I'm sorry to my body.

Renee Adams (05:11.655)
Oh, 100%. Yeah, I mean, it was like a routine thing. Like during the week, you do well in school, you go to class, you go to practice, you're getting up early before class to lift weights and do all of these things. And then it comes to sometimes Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, even through Sunday, drinking Sunday, fun day, like Thursday, Thursdays, we had our

Jane Ballard (05:34.3)
Sunday fun day.

Renee Adams (05:38.917)
go to places that we would literally go to every single week to drink. it's, just, the fact that we aren't, and maybe we are now, which is great, because I'm so glad that we're having conversations about it now, especially in the athletic community, how detrimental it is to your mind, body, spirit, when you're so high achieving in all these other areas, and yet there's this thing that

Jane Ballard (06:01.246)
Yes.

Renee Adams (06:07.685)
you know, it's just so acceptable and yet so toxic to your body. And when you're pushing your body to these levels that are so challenging, especially physically, yeah, I mean, it's just, it's amazing that we all weren't rolled out on gurneys or something like that, you know? Yes, yeah, I mean.

Jane Ballard (06:10.014)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (06:21.673)
Mm -hmm.

Jane Ballard (06:29.112)
Yes, having cardiac arrest or heat exhaustion or dehydration or

Renee Adams (06:34.455)
their resiliency is just amazing.

So yeah, so I, you know, had again, stereotypical like division one athlete. and then into my adult years, it just really progressed because it was a habit. And I think for me now it was that emotional piece that growing up, you know, my parents didn't really know how to, I think, address that, with emotions

Jane Ballard (07:05.588)
Mm -hmm.

Renee Adams (07:07.769)
and you're feeling the feels, I wasn't equipped to understand how to work through that without alcohol.

Jane Ballard (07:15.1)
Mm -hmm. Yeah, it's like I feel these feelings, they're uncomfortable, let me make them go away.

Renee Adams (07:21.767)
Oh, 100%. And I think too, just the expression of it, you know, don't cry. Don't let them see you fail. Don't show any weakness. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Jane Ballard (07:30.538)
Don't show any weakness, especially if you're an athlete and you have competitors there. You do not want them to sense any way to have an edge over you.

Renee Adams (07:40.353)
Exactly. so that led into how I functioned in my adult life too, where anytime I felt uncomfortable or inadequate or any of those, you know, negatively impacting feelings, I would drink. And so that brings me to, I guess,

You know, I was a senior account manager working this job, feeling like shit, having like two to three glasses of wine a night. And in my mind, there was something I was like, why do I feel like this? Like, why aren't I more happy? I've got a great husband, a great life. I'm making good money. Like I'm working out. I'm doing all those things that kind of like you check the box of what success meant to me and

Jane Ballard (08:30.708)
Yeah.

Renee Adams (08:34.809)
that meant to my family and to other people and yet I still felt so unfulfilled and I turned it back on myself. I'm like what is wrong with me? What? Yes, like what is the thing? Yes and so I in January of 2022 I quit that job.

Jane Ballard (08:45.716)
Like something must be wrong with me, not the system or nothing externally.

Renee Adams (08:59.845)
going to pursue a personal training certification. I was going to go off on my own, start my own business. And I quickly realized that I couldn't do it with alcohol. So I went off on my own. I did all these certifications. I was still drinking. I gave myself

Jane Ballard (09:22.112)
and personal trainers, I feel like y 'all wake up at like 5 a .m.

Renee Adams (09:25.767)
Yes, yeah, 5 a .m. going to do personal training at the gym, also working out myself, trying to build this business. And I all the while still drinking. was drinking two to three glasses of wine a night. Sometimes like during the week, it would be upwards of 20 drinks at the end of five days and not even counting the weekend, which is probably more. And

you know, still trying to train and do all these things. And I quickly realized I gave myself like four months of that and I was depressed.

I was like, why aren't things working out for me? A very negative outlook when I usually am a pretty positive person. And I still didn't understand. Like I did not get why me. Like I know I'm talented. I know I'm intelligent. You know, there's something in here that I know that I can be very successful at this. Yes.

Jane Ballard (10:09.822)
Yeah.

Jane Ballard (10:22.11)
Yes, you know that you have a lot to offer and this business model that you've created, you have a great idea. Why aren't you feeling satisfied or fulfilled?

Renee Adams (10:31.117)
Right, yes. And so that ended up not working out. It was a span of like four or five months trying

all the while still drinking and that was sort of my turning point where I really spiraled into heavier drinking because I felt sorry for myself. You know, I quit my high paying job to start something on my own. It wasn't working out. I was like, my God. And I just really spiraled and was feeling very sorry for myself, which I wasn't used to not succeeding.

Jane Ballard (10:52.618)
Okay.

Jane Ballard (11:07.233)
Okay, so it was like this idea of maybe defining that experience as a failure.

Renee Adams (11:15.233)
absolutely. In my mind, was like, again, failure or success, there's no in between. And I didn't give myself the space to work that out. I turned to the one thing that made me feel better, but really made me feel worse. And then I was drinking. And yes, yeah, that instant like hit of, it's gonna be fine.

Jane Ballard (11:33.716)
Yeah, in the immediate moment it made you feel better.

Renee Adams (11:43.505)
but then you wake up the next morning and you're like, the problems are still here. And now I just feel even worse. So fast forward to September of, so I went back, did a corporate job. I was like freaking out because I was like, I'm not making money. I'm drinking excessively. Now I'm physically feeling unwell.

Jane Ballard (11:46.622)
shit. Yes, and now I just don't feel very good and yeah.

Jane Ballard (12:09.566)
Yeah.

Renee Adams (12:09.959)
And so I freaked out. And so I was looking for new jobs, got a job again back in corporate. And September of 2023 was when I decided to hire a nutrition coach. And that's where I was like tracking all of my food and my drinks.

Jane Ballard (12:29.244)
Interesting.

Renee Adams (12:29.751)
And seeing it in front of me, I was like, not only the caloric, you know, intake of everything, but just the amount, like the quantity that I was drinking. I was like, my God.

Jane Ballard (12:36.339)
Yeah.

Jane Ballard (12:45.344)
Like nobody wants to think about having 20 drinks a week, but when you think about that, that's three drinks a night.

Renee Adams (12:49.359)
No!

Renee Adams (12:53.061)
Yes, right. And in the moment, three drinks, it's like, it's three drinks. Not bad.

Jane Ballard (12:58.42)
It's not bad. Yeah. I had a cocktail, then I went to dinner and had two glasses of wine, and then I went to bed. No big deal.

Renee Adams (13:07.343)
Yes, no big deal, but when you see it in the longevity of it the whole week, it was mind -blowing to me.

Jane Ballard (13:13.791)
Yeah.

Renee Adams (13:17.575)
And then serendipitously, a dear friend of mine and a shout out tomorrow to Maro. She I've known her for 10 years now. I went to school with her. She was on her own sober curious journey and as a coach, she has her own business and she was looking for clients at the same exact time that I was starting this nutrition journey. And, and I'm just, I'm so, so thankful for

Jane Ballard (13:38.365)
Yeah.

Renee Adams (13:44.505)
that happening at the exact same time because it absolutely changed my life. went through her. Yes, she's the person I work with. She's a lifestyle sober curious coach. She has her own business. And so I went through her program and I just I remember having the conversation with her initially kind of our onboarding questionnaire and I immediately was afraid.

Jane Ballard (13:50.782)
So is she the person you worked with?

Renee Adams (14:14.787)
because I told her, said, what if I fail? And she goes, you haven't even started yet. How do you know? How do you know that you're going to fail? Yeah. I'm like, you haven't even started this yet. And I said, that is such a good point. And I pushed through that. And that, that was my introduction to sober curiosity. And it's been such a fun.

Jane Ballard (14:20.992)
You're already thinking about failure and you haven't even started.

Renee Adams (14:41.671)
crazy wild experiment up to this point because now I am 99 .9 % alcohol free. So I went from 20 plus something drinks a week to maybe once a month, if that to drinking. Thank you. Yeah.

Jane Ballard (15:01.248)
That's amazing. I mean, that's like from 80 drinks, potentially a month to one or two. If that.

Renee Adams (15:08.473)
Absolutely. And it's funny because my mindset was sober or not. And so being introduced to sober curiosity, for me, I was like, I fit into this box because I'm a gray area drinker. I didn't think that I necessarily had a problem. And by my definition of what a problem is,

Jane Ballard (15:36.745)
Yeah.

Renee Adams (15:38.379)
And so I was like, yeah, I fit into this community because it's just asking the question on looking at what your relationship is with alcohol and how it fits into your life and really the question of why behind why you are drinking so much.

Jane Ballard (16:01.108)
Yes, I love that. It invites you to get curious rather than to put labels and make rules and do something that is prescribed by somebody else.

Renee Adams (16:12.679)
Absolutely, that's, you know, it's human nature for us to want to categorize and put things in boxes because it makes it easier for us to make those decisions. And, you know, one of my values is integrity. And so, you know, how am I going to say that I am sober, but I still have a drink here and there? Like, it just didn't, it didn't make sense for me. And so.

Jane Ballard (16:22.432)
Right. Right.

Jane Ballard (16:37.822)
Yeah, it's like, sober curious, I can get behind this.

Renee Adams (16:40.677)
Yeah, exactly, exactly. And so we just deep dived into, you know, my why and my values and all of these limiting beliefs around around alcohol. And it really came out to the drink being the problem and not me being the problem.

Jane Ballard (17:01.642)
Tell me more about that, I love that.

Renee Adams (17:03.705)
Yeah, and yes, so, you know, I think and especially as women too, we tend to just put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect and to do everything, you know, simultaneously, like being a good wife and being a good sister and being all of the things. And we just put that pressure on ourselves to put ourselves in this box of, you know, of being

Perfect.

Jane Ballard (17:34.26)
the one who does all the things, who runs the household and holds the social calendar and maintains connections with family and does the meals and all the things.

Renee Adams (17:46.211)
Right. And so to be vulnerable enough to be like, you know, I need I need this help. I need this support. And really to give yourself a second to breathe and be like, you know what? You're actually doing really well.

It's okay if you experiment with this and you don't meet your goal of like, okay, I'm not gonna drink this week. And then you accidentally, and then you drink. like, it's a fun process. And I think we get so bogged down in like the seriousness behind the unknown of things to where we forget about the fun parts of it. Yeah.

Jane Ballard (18:23.187)
Mm -mm.

Jane Ballard (18:27.444)
Yes.

Renee Adams (18:30.619)
It just it has completely changed my life completely changed my outlook on life and what my capabilities are and once I sort of removed that I was able to really flourish and all these other aspects of my life that I knew were there but I couldn't it was like this blockage you know when you have like this stuck yes

Jane Ballard (18:48.767)
Yes.

It was like, yeah, like an invisible ceiling that you keep bumping up against, but you're like, why, what is it?

Renee Adams (18:58.179)
What is it? What is the thing? And once I really did dig into that and why I was drinking and how much I was drinking and understanding like honestly the physical part of it too, what it does to your body, it just puts it in a different perspective. And I have only in the beginning, I was like, my God, how am I going to live my life?

Jane Ballard (19:15.55)
Yes.

Renee Adams (19:25.703)
without something that has been in my life in this crutch for upwards of 15 years. It was very scary to think of my life without it.

Jane Ballard (19:32.264)
Yeah. Yeah.

Absolutely, and I think our culture reinforces the idea that it is necessary for fun and glamour and sophistication and adult experiences and travel and weddings and everything basically and Yes

Renee Adams (19:49.671)
Absolutely. Literally everything in your life. There is some way that alcohol has been present. And so the thought of removing that, especially in situations like with family or making connections with new people in your life. I just was like, how am I going to do this? when it, what changed for me,

was the idea of aligning how I wanted my life to be and being honest enough with myself of like, what are you doing to make that a reality for yourself? And so once I saw it in that sort of frame, gains just started happening, you know, and seeing it as you are gaining so much more than the thought of the loss of alcohol.

Jane Ballard (20:31.168)
Mm -hmm.

Jane Ballard (20:37.608)
Yeah.

Jane Ballard (20:46.878)
Yes, and the things that I predicted that I would lose, I was willing to lose them. But the things I predicted that I was going to lose, I didn't actually lose, you know? Like I think I really truly to some extent thought that people only liked to socialize with the version of me that had alcohol on board. And maybe that's true for some people. Maybe a few people don't want to hang out with me anymore.

Renee Adams (20:53.009)
Right.

Renee Adams (20:58.479)
Yes, yes.

Renee Adams (21:11.301)
Hahaha

Jane Ballard (21:14.388)
But I really don't think that's the case. Like I have so many deep satisfying friendships and relationships and social situations that I really didn't think was possible for me. And so I would challenge anyone who has a similar line of thinking to, like you said, just get playful with it and experiment with it. You don't have to give up alcohol forever. Try it for a

Renee Adams (21:16.516)
No.

Renee Adams (21:38.695)
hypermonth, see what it does for your life, for your body. I, you know, and sometimes these things don't happen too, which is also okay. But I think just being like mentally and physically more present and aware and just clear, I think that's the other thing was like the amount of just clarity that I found from removing it was.

Jane Ballard (21:48.266)
Yeah.

Renee Adams (22:01.703)
exponential for me, not to mention all the other things. Like I finally, like I lost 20 pounds. I, you know, was reading, I've been reading more books than I ever have in my adult life, other than like college, which was, you know, required. Yeah, like textbooks and things. I'm learning so much about myself. I'm connecting with people on a different level.

Jane Ballard (22:03.624)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (22:17.012)
textbooks and yeah.

Jane Ballard (22:27.357)
Yeah, like a more meaningful.

Renee Adams (22:28.18)
I'm learning stuff about myself. Yeah, more meaningful connections and learning about other people's stories and I'm I'm competing in my first powerlifting meet this year also. Yes Yeah, so I've always obviously I grew up playing sports, you know All across

Jane Ballard (22:39.952)
No way! Tell me about that!

Jane Ballard (22:46.334)
What was your sport in college? Okay.

Renee Adams (22:50.439)
So played lacrosse in college, did the CrossFit thing for a little while outside of college, and really just loved the powerlifting portions of that. So within the past probably five years or so, I've been doing more powerlifting heavy exercises. And just within this last year, really the last 12 weeks, I hired a powerlifting coach and I was like, I've always wanted to do it.

Jane Ballard (23:19.122)
Yeah.

Renee Adams (23:20.687)
I've been too scared. like, there's no way I've never done it before. I'm crazy. But I think I can honestly equate that to removing the alcohol, like hands down. And now I'm like training for this competition that I never thought that I would ever be able to do or have like the guts to do.

Jane Ballard (23:43.914)
Well, I saw your post on Instagram where you were like, I don't know if it was a deadlift or what, but it looked like a massive weight. And I was very impressed.

Renee Adams (23:54.823)
Thank you. No, I appreciate that. Yeah, just I think it was yesterday. I think I've I deadlifted for a set of three at 205 and that's like the best that I've ever done even like in college, even in college. So I'm like patting myself on the back a little bit, but I can 100 % attest that it's it's because I don't have this other thing that is taking up my

Jane Ballard (24:03.558)
my gosh!

Jane Ballard (24:10.91)
That... Yes!

Renee Adams (24:22.156)
mental capacity for the focus.

Jane Ballard (24:23.806)
Yes. And really, I feel like putting alcohol in our system fuels the limiting self -talk. Like the thought that you had of, what if I fail? I'm crazy. I can't do this. And if you believe that, that will become true. But I think when we take away the toxic substance, or at least if we're not ingesting it with regularity,

Renee Adams (24:33.319)
100%. It's like feeding this monster. Yeah.

Yes,

Jane Ballard (24:50.804)
We begin to question like, what if I could? What if it is possible? What if I'm not crazy?

Renee Adams (24:56.113)
Yes, yes, absolutely. And that's like goes back to all the the gains that whatever that means for you.

in your life and it is it's still a challenge. know, it's not like you remove the alcohol and like all of a sudden all of these things happen all at once. Yeah, it's still it's a practice just like anything else and you're going to have good days and you're going to have bad days. But I think if you can learn the tools and have a good supportive community around you, the

Jane Ballard (25:16.328)
Life is easy and yeah.

Jane Ballard (25:25.737)
Right.

Renee Adams (25:33.411)
The amount of opportunity and space for the things that you have always wanted to do do come to fruition, which is such a beautiful thing.

Jane Ballard (25:42.368)
Absolutely. Right. I like what you said about community. I think that is a huge piece. What has that been like for you as far as finding other Sobercurious people to connect with and then also the people who are already a part of your support system, how they responded.

Renee Adams (26:05.593)
Yes. So that is always a fun situation. Also, trying to navigate your current friendships and family when they are so used to you being a certain way and having a certain amount of drinks like I was known as being the mimosa girl. And so trying to navigate that can be

Jane Ballard (26:27.295)
Yeah.

Renee Adams (26:32.517)
can be uncomfortable, but I think it's also an opportunity to not only find new people in your corner that's very empowering, but also

Jane Ballard (26:34.003)
Mm -hmm.

Renee Adams (26:45.879)
maybe weeding out the people that don't really serve you anymore. know, I've been fortunate enough to have my circle of friends who are still there for me who are very supportive, who are like, yeah, what can I do? my gosh, I'm so proud of you. Like, how can I be there for you? My husband has been an amazing support system.

Jane Ballard (26:50.367)
Yeah.

Jane Ballard (27:06.814)
Yeah.

Jane Ballard (27:11.806)
That's awesome. Tell me about that. Has he was he a drinker or is he a drinker?

Renee Adams (27:12.955)
to the point to where, yeah, to the point. So he has always been very good about his own discipline. He will have like one drink, two drinks and be done. Like he does not have an addictive personality by any means. And I like.

really was striving to be like that. And I think that our connection has become just on a different level. I've known him since I was like nine years old. So he has known me through a lot of stages of life.

Jane Ballard (27:47.241)
No way.

Jane Ballard (27:53.353)
But that is so meaningful that he knows all these aspects of you and your personality and he loves you. Like that's so validating.

Renee Adams (27:59.674)
Yes.

Yes. my gosh. I'm just like, I'm so grateful to have him in my corner. And he's been very, very supportive and like cheering me on my biggest cheerleader. And he's even, you know, started to kind of, not like he needs to reevaluate anything with, with his relationship with it, but health wise, you know, that's what we like to do together is, is to work out and to be healthy and find these new things and explore and do things outside, you know, a little more hands

and kind of adventurous types of things. And he's starting to kind of like drink a little less during the week. And I'm like, my gosh, this is so great. You know, we're on the same page about that. Not like I was, you know, I think that's the other thing too that can be challenging, especially in the first stages of sober curiosity is like, you feel this.

Jane Ballard (28:34.164)
Yeah.

Jane Ballard (28:44.777)
Yes.

Renee Adams (28:55.715)
empowerment for yourself and to not necessarily like put that on other people sometimes can be like, okay, I need to like, maybe not dial it back, but like, understand that they're not in your situation.

Jane Ballard (28:58.196)
Mm -mm.

Jane Ballard (29:02.313)
Yeah.

Jane Ballard (29:09.632)
They're on their own journey. Yeah.

Renee Adams (29:12.997)
can be challenging too, you know, because you're just like, my God, I feel so great, you know, and like you want to get them while you're saving. Yeah. And, you know, you kind of have to recognize that not everybody is in your same position. But that being said, it's been, it's been really great. Almost, almost seeing him and, and identifying new things in our relationship, like

Jane Ballard (29:15.465)
Right.

You gotta do this too!

Jane Ballard (29:26.847)
Right.

Renee Adams (29:40.655)
we did like paint by numbers together and like the first time I built like Legos and stuff like that. Yes!

Jane Ballard (29:47.914)
That's so fun. You get more creative about how to have fun together.

Renee Adams (29:52.143)
Yeah, because we used to really like on the weekends we would go out, work out, go out to eat and have drinks and that, which is okay, but that's all we, not all we did, but that's, yeah, yeah, there's just so much more.

Jane Ballard (30:04.18)
Yeah.

There's a lot more, too.

Renee Adams (30:11.717)
to life and being able to experience that and finding new ways to have fun. Because that also is challenging in the beginning where you're like, I removed such a big part of my life that took up so much of my time. What do I do now? Yes, what do I do? And it's like there's this whole new space where it's open for you to explore and

Jane Ballard (30:24.212)
Mm -hmm.

Jane Ballard (30:29.725)
Seriously.

Renee Adams (30:39.991)
and find out what you even like as a person. Because I was like, okay, when's the next drink? When is the next like, okay, we're doing mimosas on Sunday. Okay, we're doing so removing that.

Jane Ballard (30:42.622)
Yeah, be creative and get curious.

Yeah.

Jane Ballard (30:52.424)
It's like subconsciously planning your social life around drinking opportunities or weaving those in.

Renee Adams (30:57.723)
Yes. Yes, absolutely. And then with family, that's a whole nother ball game. I think there are a lot of tools and techniques out there that I have learned going into these super uncomfortable situations, like going for a walk when you're starting to feel that kind of like, my God, I need a drink to be around.

whatever is happening right now. Yeah, like I, you know, removing yourself and like allowing yourself to not please other people and their needs and not feeling selfish about you doing what you need to do to continue to stay healthy and stay on your on your track and your goals because not everybody's going to understand

Jane Ballard (31:25.662)
this group or yeah.

Jane Ballard (31:39.454)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (31:52.894)
Right. People may have some feelings about it and that's okay. It doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. It's not your responsibility to prevent other people from having feelings.

Renee Adams (32:04.249)
Absolutely, yeah, for sure. And I think, you know, having even like a script sometimes, like when I was very, very new into doing the holidays and doing things with that side of the family that really, you know, does drink and we have wine at like almost every single thing

Jane Ballard (32:13.023)
Mm -hmm.

Renee Adams (32:28.903)
having that visualization of going into it and saying it out loud too. think hearing your actual voice saying the thing, like, I'm not drinking or however you want to. If you want a deep dive into it, great. If you don't, just having that one sort of script that you can fall back onto is really helpful. Also just bringing your own stuff, bringing your own non -alcoholic drinks or having

Jane Ballard (32:38.025)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (32:50.912)
Absolutely right.

Jane Ballard (32:56.68)
Yes.

Renee Adams (32:58.903)
having your one drink that you like on the back burner whenever you go out to dinner. Like those are just little things and little tips that really do add up in the end. And then the the most amazing thing is when you start doing those things, you are telling yourself and building yourself up like, yes, I can do this. Like, here is the example.

Jane Ballard (33:22.33)
Absolutely. You're like teaching your brain behaviorally that you can do these things and confidence starts to build and you realize that it's not as bad as you imagined. It's actually still fulfilling and you can still have fun and you can still connect with people.

Renee Adams (33:27.303)
Yes. Yeah.

Renee Adams (33:37.819)
and you're still that same person. What you think you are when you think that you need the alcohol is still you as a person. Like you don't need this substance to be yourself. So yeah.

Jane Ballard (33:39.848)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (33:47.295)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (33:54.578)
So true. I think the other thing that can help is just reminding ourselves that we get to change our mind about things. Like maybe we're like, but it's so hypocritical of me. I've always been the drinker, so I can't go in and now be the non -drinker. And it feels inauthentic or like you're letting people down by changing your identity. But we all get to change our minds about religion, about politics, about our lifestyle, about behaviors we do, behaviors we don't do.

Renee Adams (34:14.992)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (34:23.316)
we get to reevaluate and change our course.

Renee Adams (34:23.655)
100 % and change it up and and you know, it's the same thing of like starting something new in your 50s or starting something in your 20s or if you fail

quote unquote, fail at something and then you try again. It's okay. Like all of that is part of what living is. And I think we just get so hard on ourselves when we have such expectations that we put on ourselves that aren't real in essence, you know?

Jane Ballard (34:44.242)
It's yes.

Jane Ballard (35:00.522)
They're not real. It's just like this idea that we are assuming the world expects us to do, but like, who is the world? Who?

Renee Adams (35:09.251)
Right, like who are you doing this for? And if you can be authentic to yourself and have that in the back of your mind, this flexibility on being okay with change. And I think that's it too, is we just get so comfortable in our creature comforts that it's difficult to break out of that. And

Jane Ballard (35:29.376)
Mm -hmm.

Renee Adams (35:34.627)
that you are forging new pathways, not only for yourself, but like your entire environment, and that takes time.

Jane Ballard (35:43.07)
Mm -hmm. It does. Yeah.

Renee Adams (35:46.755)
And in our age now, there is this sense of instant gratification. And if it doesn't immediately happen for you, or if you're not seeing as much progress, just that comparative game that you play either with yourself, with your old self, with your new self, with other people, it takes away from the actual progress that you've done.

And it takes away the living your life. You know, we get so bogged down on where you've been and what you want to do in the future that we forget to enjoy the little moments and the little wins. Yeah. Yeah.

Jane Ballard (36:16.18)
Right.

Jane Ballard (36:21.16)
It does.

Jane Ballard (36:32.032)
to actually be present, yeah. I I think that we get stuck in this achievement oriented mode, this way of being where we are working towards a goal and then we meet that goal and we feel satisfied for a second and then we up the ante, we wanna meet the next goal. And that's okay, there's a place for that. But we also need this part of ourselves that can be present and that can enjoy what you know to be true today.

Renee Adams (36:39.895)
Mm.

Jane Ballard (37:01.32)
And if we don't have that, we will never actually feel satisfaction because the achieving self is never satisfied. You know, what is, yeah,

Renee Adams (37:08.367)
Yes, yeah, it's always like the end goal, which is like what, like you said, like what really is that? Right. Yes, and

Jane Ballard (37:15.368)
It's never enough. It's never enough.

Renee Adams (37:19.629)
The happiness portion, everything, I think that's been such a cool process too, is a lot of the times I think we look for outside factors for validation when in reality it is within you to do all of these things that you want to do for yourself. That's been like the biggest, maybe not the biggest, but I think a you know, sort of aha moment.

Jane Ballard (37:40.0)
Absolutely.

Renee Adams (37:48.535)
is like changing my mindset from how am I so inadequate and why aren't these things happening for me to know I have the ability to do the things that I want to do especially now with all this space with it not being bogged down by by drinking all the time.

Jane Ballard (38:05.055)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (38:11.562)
drinking or recovering from drinking or planning your next drink.

Renee Adams (38:14.695)
Exactly. And I think too, it's such, you know, the sober curiosity movement in general, I think is so important for gray area drinkers like myself, because it opens the door to just ask the question without having those expectations of being 100 % sober, which

I am very sensitive to that community as well. Being 100 % sober or 100 % alcohol free is also a way of life for some people where you do need 100 % abstinence. And going to AA is something that works for you. Like I'm 100 % sensitive to that. Me personally,

Jane Ballard (38:53.044)
Yeah.

Jane Ballard (38:58.24)
Absolutely.

Renee Adams (39:03.211)
I didn't want to put myself in that category. And so that's why I loved and still love Sober Curiosity and the sober -ish community because it really just opens that door for people to explore it and see what works for them.

Jane Ballard (39:21.745)
Like everybody is welcome. There's not like this requirement of sobriety or requirement of a label or a proclamation. It's like everybody's welcome to come in and be curious and experiment with what works for each individual. You know, we're all unique and we have different desires, different biological makeups, different spiritual beliefs.

Renee Adams (39:38.651)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (39:43.508)
different lifestyles, we just have to figure out what works for us, what helps us feel aligned with our own particular values and feel good. Yeah. So before we wrap up, I wanna hear a little bit about your plans with coaching and working with sober, curious people.

Renee Adams (39:53.061)
Yes,

Renee Adams (40:04.913)
Yeah, absolutely. So right now I am going through a certification program. So I'm also working on my own business for the second time. So I'm happy about that. Yes, yes. So I'm looking to launch by the end of this year. You can follow me on Instagram at coach underscore Radams. Renee Adams, Radams.

Jane Ballard (40:15.036)
So exciting.

Jane Ballard (40:26.11)
Radams, like it. Renee Adams, Radams.

Renee Adams (40:32.163)
And yeah, I am looking to work with people who are like me, know, gray area drinkers, just looking for the opportunity to ask that question, to re -evaluate their relationship with alcohol. Sober curious journey, kind of a life coach type of situation. Just really looking to meet some people and connect and just understand how I can can help people like myself, because when

took the leap and decided to work with my own coach. It has changed my life dramatically, all for the better. And I just want to help and empower other people and other women to really look into, you know, again, re -evaluating their relationship with alcohol and if that means removing it completely or...

just a little bit for a little while to really just understand what makes them happy, what makes them feel good and empowered and to be able to just live out their goals because it is 100 % absolutely possible.

Jane Ballard (41:42.602)
that. Yeah, and we have to believe that it's possible. That's the first step. If we believe it's possible, it can be. All right. Well, any last advice or tips, maybe if somebody is starting out and they're where you were before you started out with your coach, anything you would say to them that would have been helpful for you to hear?

Renee Adams (41:44.241)
Thank you.

Renee Adams (41:49.689)
It can happen. Yeah. Yeah.

Renee Adams (42:07.311)
Absolutely, I think taking a chance on yourself, even if you have the doubts, even if you have the fears, even if you're like, how am I gonna do this? Push through, say yes for yourself and to give yourself some patience. I think for me in the beginning, I wanted to excel at this.

and there's really no ceiling for it. It's really just about how you feel physically, mentally, emotionally. It can be overwhelming, but I can guarantee that you are going to feel so much better when you take a chance on yourself.

Jane Ballard (42:51.456)
Absolutely, I love that. Renee, thank you so much. It's been so much fun talking with you today and I just love the message that you're sharing with people.

Renee Adams (43:02.183)
Thank you so much. Yeah, it was awesome talking to you. All right, thanks, bye.

Jane Ballard (43:05.168)
Yes, I'll talk to you soon. All right.