S1 E32 Soaking Up Joy and Making Waves in Ireland with Grey Area Drinker Olivia Farrelly

Jane Ballard (00:02.141)
and thank you for joining another episode of Mindful Sobriety, the podcast. Today we have a wonderful guest. We have Olivia Farrelly here to share a little bit about what she's doing in the alcohol -free space and share a little bit about her story. Olivia, thank you so much for being here today.

Olivia Farrelly (00:22.78)
thanks for having me, Jane. I'm delighted to be here. It's amazing.

Jane Ballard (00:27.037)
Yes, wonderful. Well, maybe to start out, just tell us a little bit about where you are in the world and what you're doing in the alcohol -free space.

Olivia Farrelly (00:35.644)
Yeah, so my name is Olivia Farrelly and I am in Dublin. I gave up alcohol six years ago yesterday. So my stop date is the 4th of July. So I always say that I was reborn on the 4th of July, like the Tom Cruise film. No, exactly. So it feels like a rebirth. my goodness. More so than anything that I've ever done. So, yeah, I gave up.

Jane Ballard (00:51.197)
I love it. Just like America.

Olivia Farrelly (01:03.964)
alcohol six years ago yesterday. And what happened in the first couple of years, I think I probably just got used to it. You know, we have a fairly alcohol centric culture and society here in Ireland. And it took a little bit of time for me to embed into that as a woman who doesn't drink anymore. And I suppose then after kind of year two, year three, I started to think about the incredible

transformation that it had produced and I got more confident and then I decided well I can't be the only one who experienced alcohol in the way that I did and sure enough I'm not so I went back to yes exactly and they say there's about two billion

Jane Ballard (01:45.021)
You're a good company.

Olivia Farrelly (01:50.236)
Excuse me. I describe myself as a grey area drinker, that middle lane drinker, you know. So I would have had bites of very heavy drinking and light drinking and moderate drinking. But yeah, there's a lot of us around. So, yeah, I decided I went back to university when I was 41 and I studied alcohol and

So my background is in psychology anyway, and I would have, I've worked for the last 18 years in intervention, delivery and design. So it kind of seemed like the natural thing to do would be to design and deliver my own intervention based on personal experience and then based on what I had learned in, in when I went back to university. So yeah, I have a podcast here in Ireland. It's doing really well. It's called No More Booze.

And so I interview a lot of people from all over the world, but a lot of people from Ireland, because that's what people were telling me all the time, that we didn't have that kind of facility here. You know, I suppose when we look at it, we tend to, as Irish people, sweep things under the carpet. And, you know, there's still a huge amount of shame and stigma that goes with drinking and especially problematic drinking. And people are really, really afraid.

to label themselves as a problematic drinker. So I heard from a lot of people and they had said, we want Irish voices and more Irish voices. So I produce a weekly podcast called No More Booze and it's going great. So, and I'm also an alcohol free mentor. So I do group mentoring and one -to -one mentoring sessions for people who are looking to give up alcohol.

Jane Ballard (03:31.069)
That's awesome. I mean, it's such important work and I just love how you're contributing to this new conversation that is going on in the world really that it doesn't have to be this black or white thing of you're an alcoholic who's lost the privilege to drink and must abstain from alcohol for the rest of your life or you're a normal drinker. Like there's something in between. I wonder if you can tell us a little bit about

Olivia Farrelly (03:57.5)
Yeah.

Jane Ballard (04:00.349)
what that term gray area drinking means for those who haven't heard that term before.

Olivia Farrelly (04:05.436)
Yeah, so that really applied to me as well. So I knew I experienced alcohol in a very specific way. So the specific way for me was that once I had one drink, the train was gone. So I couldn't control. I couldn't say to myself, you stop after three drinks, Olivia. That never happened. Like I had this physiological need for more and more and more alcohol. And I could very easily have no drinks. And, you know, I would have had bouts.

of abstaining from alcohol, very long ones throughout my, I suppose, throughout the 23 years that I drank. So I knew I could definitely abstain and I never felt physically addicted to it. But once I had one, I found it incredibly difficult to stop. So.

So a grey area drinker is described as somebody who can't stop at one. They kind of feel like an all or nothing type drinker. So if you look at the kind of spectrum as somebody who can take or leave alcohol on one hand and then on the other hand, somebody who is experiencing extreme

Jane Ballard (04:58.525)
years.

Olivia Farrelly (05:14.652)
alcohol dependency, you know, they're somewhere in the middle. So it doesn't look like they have a problem, but they feel that there's a problem internally. They have a bit of anxiety or anxiety. It leads to low mood, depression, feelings, feelings of kind of not worthy and all that kind of stuff. And when our outside friends look in at us.

they think, there's no problem, but it's more of an internal kind of thing. So I drank like that for a long time and was, I just knew I had to give up alcohol. I just hated how it made me feel. So it was, it was the feelings, the internalness for me that I always felt really, really, I felt a lot of anguish and a huge amount of anxiety, a lot of internal.

guilt and shame and regret and dread and every time I woke up with a hangover I would literally feel that my world was kind of caving in on top of me. I would find it very hard to cope on those days and they were kind of as I got older and when I had kids actually especially they definitely were the catalyst because I was deprived of a lot of sleep and then

Jane Ballard (06:15.997)
Yes.

Olivia Farrelly (06:30.364)
the symptoms of a hangover compounded and got worse and worse and worse until they actually became unbearable. So I found the term gray area drinker. I had listened to a podcast with Jolene Park and I was just absolutely mesmerized. I couldn't believe it because I just, you know, because I didn't know what I was, you know, I didn't know, like I didn't feel like an alcoholic. I was willing to take the term, but I definitely could.

Jane Ballard (06:42.877)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (06:58.653)
Yeah.

Olivia Farrelly (06:59.836)
abstained from it, you know, and it was never trouble for me. Like it never felt like a feat to remain alcohol free, you know, on a night out and stuff like that. But I suppose it just fit with me and how I felt. And I now obviously work with a lot of people who feel the same. And I suppose the common thing that I feel with them is that they are all or nothing drinkers.

Jane Ballard (07:08.221)
Mm -hmm.

Jane Ballard (07:19.325)
Thank you.

Olivia Farrelly (07:24.508)
So a huge amount of them can drink it all or they can have nothing. But a lot of them are really highly sensitive people. And so they, you know, feel the world or experience the world in a very sensitive way. So they're sensitive to energies and other people's moods. And they might have bites of social anxiety. And that's definitely how I would describe myself. But yeah, it definitely felt when I heard that term, it felt like a kind of a coming home. I knew what I was, you know.

And that's what I try to say to people as well, that you know what you just said there, that that black and white way of drinking and even drinking being a moral issue, you know, I think we're moving away from that and then more and more people can actually recognise that they have a problem with alcohol and do something about it.

Jane Ballard (08:12.573)
Absolutely, that's right. Yeah, I like what you said about being a highly sensitive person. Have you seen the research that Elaine Aaron has put out and kind of coined the term on the highly sensitive person?

Olivia Farrelly (08:25.372)
Yeah, yeah, and I've taken the test and I think the scale goes up as far as 27 and I've scored 25. Yeah, so highly sensitive. Yeah, and I have a brother, he's scored 27. So you can't say anything to him. He's highly sensitive.

Jane Ballard (08:28.797)
Yes

Jane Ballard (08:34.781)
Wow.

Jane Ballard (08:38.493)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (08:43.645)
Yes, and I think that like people think, well, I'm not sensitive. But when you think it's not necessarily that you're, it's that you process things on a deeper level. And so the stimulation that you get from being in the world is a lot higher. And I also, I can't remember what I scored, but I scored within the range of being a highly sensitive person. And I think it makes so much sense because

That can be a lot to just be out in the world, especially if you're a mother and you're taking care of children all day and you're working on top of that. And sometimes alcohol just kind of dulls the senses and that can feel like relief. But then you wake up the next morning and that alcohol is gone and you have anxiety and you're sensitive to the world and it's a horrible, horrible feeling.

Olivia Farrelly (09:21.724)
Absolutely. Absolutely.

Olivia Farrelly (09:33.084)
It's almost unbearable. Yeah. And I find the world quite challenging as a highly sensitive person. And, you know, I really, I really nearly ingest energy and it takes me a long time to kind of regulate myself. And I have a lot of practices now that I put in place to regulate myself. But I definitely think so.

Jane Ballard (09:35.709)
Thank you.

Olivia Farrelly (10:00.412)
a surefire way for a highly sensitive person to kind of deflate or regulate themselves. Nothing gives us that shoulder drop or that instant relaxation like a glass of red wine. And that was my kind of go to and especially on a Friday night, you know, after a stressful week and it would literally you could breathe. Right. That's what it felt like. And I suppose that's the conundrum right there, isn't it?

Jane Ballard (10:21.245)
Yes.

Olivia Farrelly (10:26.428)
But then, you know, it would just exacerbate all those feelings and then lead to the next morning where it was 50 times worse, you know, and even more.

Jane Ballard (10:27.133)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (10:35.389)
Absolutely. It's like there's a really high price to pay for that 30 minutes to an hour of relief that you might get with that glass of red wine.

Olivia Farrelly (10:44.028)
Yeah, and I think so a really high price to pay that becomes higher and higher as our years go on. So, you know, whatever would have been very acceptable for us to, you know, so like 20, 25, 26, those kind of ages, you know, you drink and you're able to go into work at six a the next morning. You drink when you're in your 30s and you're not able to move practically for three or four days, you know.

Jane Ballard (10:49.885)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (11:04.509)
Yeah.

Jane Ballard (11:11.261)
Absolutely, the older you get, the harder it gets. I quit drinking at 43. And what I noticed is as I entered into my early 40s, just your body just does not process alcohol the same. And I don't know that it's, if it's like your hormones start shifting. I was listening to, there's a physician named Dr. Mary Claire Haverland here in Texas, who was recently on the Huberman Lab podcast talking about perimenopause and menopause and midlife hormones. And she said, she was like,

Women tend to just process alcohol differently and one or two glasses really takes a toll on your sleep and just your physical functioning. And then you couple that with parenting and no ability to sleep in anymore and not a lot of alone time. I think it's just, it just doesn't work anymore or it didn't for me anyway, it just wasn't worth it.

Olivia Farrelly (12:05.404)
Yeah, absolutely. And I think I'm definitely going through perimenopause now. And I so I'm yeah, I'm 43 now. So I gave up six years ago and I don't know how I think I'd be able to cope now if I had been going through these symptoms. And like a symptom of kind of this era of our life is increased anxiety. And like I was crippled with anxiety with hangover. So I can't imagine how I would be able to do that now. And yeah, like that.

I've heard her say that, you know, if you are choosing to drink alcohol, you're choosing not to sleep, you know. So, yeah.

Jane Ballard (12:40.541)
Yes, pretty much. She's like, choose wisely. If you really want to give up a night of sleep, then go for it.

Olivia Farrelly (12:46.332)
Yeah, and I think it's so great that I know here definitely in Ireland and somebody texted me today to say the Euros, the soccer tournament is going on at the minute and they've reported that sales of non -alcoholic beer is up by 20 % during this soccer tournament. So yeah, so that's significant, isn't it?

Jane Ballard (13:08.125)
That is, that like makes me feel warm and fuzzy and gives me so much hope.

Olivia Farrelly (13:12.38)
Yeah, there's definitely there's a massive movement here and this kind of sober, curious movement. And, you know, I work with a lot of people from all over a lot of women from all over the country and and from the US and the UK and Australia as well. But they're definitely it's tangible. You can feel it, you know. And I always love to say that we're trendsetters. Absolutely. And I think this probably ties in with being a highly sensitive person when you're highly sensitive. You have a very

Jane Ballard (13:30.653)
People are hungry for it. Yes.

Olivia Farrelly (13:41.116)
intense sense of intuition, you know, so you're a little bit ahead of the curve, you know, so if you if you feel that maybe alcohol isn't working for you, you know, you do things ahead of time. So it's nearly it's kind of like a psychic ability to to know when things are turning or know when culture is actually changing, you know.

Jane Ballard (14:03.229)
Right, almost like sensing a shift in energy. It's not something you can see, but it's something you can feel. And I think highly sensitive people were observers. We get really, really good at observing tiny, tiny details in the environment and in the world. And I think it's a blessing and a curse. And so I think we can figure out how to harness that in a beneficial way in our lives.

Olivia Farrelly (14:30.62)
Yeah, there's a beautiful book by Anita Mourjani called Sensitive is the New Strong. So she talks about like empaths and, you know, the role that they have to play in the world in terms of, you know, bringing their unique specific set of skills to the world. Because I suppose

maybe highly sensitive people just allow maybe the more assertive people to take over. But I think there's a place for that extra intuition and, you know, that kind of sense of being ahead of the curve as well. I think there's there's a place for us all.

Jane Ballard (15:07.069)
Absolutely. I also think, and I haven't looked into any research on this, but I think there must be a link between spirituality and high sensitivity, as well as high sensitivity in alcohol. And for me, what led to me giving up alcohol was kind of this spiritual awakening moment that I had. And I wonder if for highly sensitive people,

kind of the antidote is to really lean into that spiritual awakened side of yourself rather than the achieving ego side of yourself. And that's where you find your peace rather than the glass of red wine at the end of the day.

Olivia Farrelly (15:43.388)
Yeah.

Olivia Farrelly (15:48.828)
Yeah, so that's are you reading my mind, Jane? So I know, yeah. So I was this incredibly deep kid. So, you know, when I was maybe 10, 11, so I'm from the countryside. I'm in a place called County Meath, right. And, you know, if I ever went missing, I'd go to I'd be out in the field. And when my mom would ask me, you know, where were you?

Jane Ballard (15:51.997)
I'm an impasse, you know?

Olivia Farrelly (16:18.652)
I'd be like, I was trying to find inner peace. Like this, I always said that when I was really, really young. And, you know, if anybody asked me what I wanted when I was older, I was like, peace. I just want peace. And the Irish word for peace is actually siachan, right? And I wanted to call one of my kids siachan because peace is just so happy or it's so important to me. But I was always this incredibly deep kid.

And I suppose maybe I would have lost that probably a lot. I lost a lot of things during my drinking phase, you know, and definitely when I gave up at 37, I think I had a dark night of the soul. And what what ensued after that was this incredible, profound spirituality. So I really leaned into meditation and I really leaned into kind of the more spiritual side of things. And I read

probably a book on near -death experiences every other week. So they give me kind of guidance about, you know, what happens after we die and all that kind of stuff. So spirituality has been an incredible source for me. And I've definitely leaned into it heavily and I've become more peaceful as a result, knowing that there is a higher purpose for us all. And, you know, I suppose I've moved away from the kind of achieving part of

part of my life and just more the being so I just want to be wise and happy and content and You know, I don't want all the riches in the world or I don't want you know Anything really fancy. I just want to piece on that pillow when I go to bed at night

Jane Ballard (17:59.837)
Yes, and I think somehow when we operate within that space of just being aligned with peace and giving love and receiving love, somehow it all works out and we have what we need and a lot of what we want. We don't have to strive so much for it.

Olivia Farrelly (18:16.476)
Yeah, it's an incredible catalyst, I think, giving up alcohol for, you know, the introduction of all of that peace into your life, because I suppose you have so much clarity and the clarity then and time, of course. And it definitely it's something really profound that happens that you start. I suppose once you start unlayering all the layers, you know, you get back to basics and the basics are, well, what really matters in the world?

Jane Ballard (18:32.893)
Yes.

Olivia Farrelly (18:46.012)
As you said, like the only thing that really matters is love, you know, of course, there's practical elements, you know, you need to live and you need to be in the world. But I think and I think that's what more and more people are waking up to, you know, and I think the removal of alcohol is that catalyst for a lot of people. So, you know, we were I don't know about you, but well, I suppose it's the same in the States because obviously all the big alcohol companies are all over the world. It's not specific to Europe.

Jane Ballard (18:50.237)
for me.

Jane Ballard (18:59.069)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (19:13.053)
You're global.

Olivia Farrelly (19:14.684)
Absolutely, yeah. So I know definitely over here and in the UK and our cultures are side by side. So there was this kind of culture of the La Dette culture. So it was it was the onset of kind of economic power with women and, you know, women became more educated, certainly in Ireland. And, you know, they were getting jobs and money and.

that kind of coincided with this, kind of sophisticated thing that women drink and they can do everything that a man does and we can drink as much as men do. And, you know, we were led down that path. And I think we were kind of experimental as well, because when you look at us now, we're the women in our 40s, probably late 30s, 40s and 50s, who were told that they could drink without any repercussions.

And we're here now and a huge amount of us are actually giving up alcohol because we're realizing it's not the elixir that's completely devoid of harm because obviously now there's so much research to say that it's incredibly harmful, you know.

Jane Ballard (20:11.517)
So.

Jane Ballard (20:15.325)
Right, I think we often drank because we felt a sense of empowerment, but then found that in a lot of ways it led to disempowerment. And the true empowerment is living a life of freedom and just creating the life that you truly want to live, living with intention where there is no alcohol needed.

Olivia Farrelly (20:36.828)
Absolutely. There's nothing empowering about vomiting for 12 hours solid. There's nothing empowering about insulting somebody. There's nothing empowering about blacking out, cause and raise with your loved ones.

Jane Ballard (20:43.037)
Absolutely.

Olivia Farrelly (20:50.78)
You know, it's not empowering. And I suppose we were sold a lie and then obviously sold a lot of lies in terms of that. And, you know, I love there what you said about intention, the clarity that comes with an alcohol free life. You're just so free to create your own your own world, you know. And it just behind me, I have a vision wall and I love manifesting. You know, I love having.

Jane Ballard (21:08.605)
Yes.

Olivia Farrelly (21:17.596)
We call fun crack over here in Ireland, C or AIC. So I love having crack with the universe or the world and saying, I'm going to throw something on the vision board or the vision wall and see what comes. And like, it's actually gorgeous. Yeah. So I've ticked off two things actually this year about two places that I wanted to visit. And there's just something so satisfying about that. And, you know, all all the mystics and all the philosophers.

Jane Ballard (21:20.221)
See ya.

Jane Ballard (21:28.509)
See what happens.

Olivia Farrelly (21:43.612)
and all the incredibly wise people say that, you know, we are the creators of our life, you know, and once we put a vision in place that once, you know, you see it in your mind, you can hold it in your hand, you know. So that's what I've been kind of concentrating on the last couple of years. And it's kind of exciting, you know, to realize that we are so empowered, you know, and that we can take control of our lives. And a lot of the work that I do with people is around that.

Jane Ballard (21:49.405)
Absolutely.

Olivia Farrelly (22:10.844)
personal sovereignty, you know, so I'm now the decision -maker. So when we look back at when we were kids, you know, our parents told us what to do and then our teachers and then society. And at what point do you make up your own mind? So like at what point do you say, well, I'm in control now.

Jane Ballard (22:18.173)
and

Olivia Farrelly (22:27.772)
I choose whether to drink with all my girlfriends or the people I went to university with or the people I grew up with or whatever. So like I know that they have their expectations that we drink, but at some stage of our lives, we need to take that control back, you know, and especially from a drinking point of view, because so many people put pressure on us and it's very intense here, you know, that pressure to drink. It's very intense in Ireland as well, you know.

Jane Ballard (22:51.133)
Hmm.

Olivia Farrelly (22:55.74)
I was working with a woman a couple of weeks ago. She's from up the top of Ireland and she was at a wedding and there was three pharmacists at the table at the wedding that she was at and she wasn't drinking. And they were like, why aren't you drinking? And she was like, no, I just, you know, I feel really bad when I drink and I get really bad anxiety and I'm giving it up. And they were like, but just have one.

She was like, I can't just have one. And the questions got so intense and they were so persistent that at the end she just goes, I'm training for a marathon. And then they went, OK, that's OK. So they thought it was acceptable for her to train for a marathon, but not to get rid of like anxiety or low mood or lack of motivation or any of that things. But, you know, in saying that, of course, that's just an isolated incident. But the opposite of that is that it actually is changing, though.

a huge amount of my social circle now don't drink and people are, and especially women as well, because like I said, we were fed that lie for all those years and now we're waking up to the truth that alcohol just isn't serving us anymore.

Jane Ballard (24:03.069)
It's an illusion.

Olivia Farrelly (24:05.596)
big illusion that we all fell for.

Jane Ballard (24:08.061)
So you mentioned a second ago that you had this dark night of the soul and that was a turning point for you. Can you share a little bit about what that looked like for you?

Olivia Farrelly (24:15.42)
Yeah.

Yeah, so I suppose after I gave up alcohol, it was a very strange time. So it was, I was 2018. So there wasn't a huge amount of sober curiosity knocking around Ireland, let alone the world. So I was choosing to completely revamp myself. Right. So I was choosing.

Jane Ballard (24:34.077)
Yes.

Olivia Farrelly (24:43.804)
to become the opposite of what I had been. So in effect, there was definitely times during that period where I felt like I was on the outside looking in, let's say at my friend group, that I had made this decision, even though it was based on my wellbeing and my mental health and my family and all those other lovely things. When I looked out, I just wasn't part of the group anymore, or so I thought. I'm back in now. But...

Jane Ballard (25:10.717)
Yeah.

Olivia Farrelly (25:11.996)
That just caused this shift in my perception. So I was like, well, who am I now if I don't drink? So this I drank for 23 years. I highly identified with being a drinker. I highly identified with being good fun, you know, always being relied upon to, you know, have shots and extra drinks and be relied upon to go anywhere. Absolutely. Yeah. So just good fun. And then so who was I?

Jane Ballard (25:34.397)
Yeah, stay out a little bit later and.

Olivia Farrelly (25:42.012)
now that I've chosen to remove that. So like there was that deep, deep question of like, what is my purpose? What am I, what would I, was I put on earth to do? You know, in being very spiritual, I think we all have a purpose or a few of them, you know, and that it's our job to awaken to our purpose and to, you know, experience joy and experience bliss and make.

the lives of those around us even better and for ourselves as well. So that kind of period was just it was it was low. I was searching for things, you know, I was didn't feel part of, you know, my group anymore. And, you know, I was doing a lot of soul searching and I used to wake up my poor husband in the middle of the night and be like, Gary, what is my soul's purpose? They'd be like, my God, back to sleep. So I did.

Jane Ballard (26:34.461)
my gosh, that's hilarious.

Olivia Farrelly (26:36.892)
I did a huge amount of meditating around that. Michael Bernard Beckwith, the gorgeous spiritual leader, has some beautiful meditations about kind of pulling our purpose out of us and what is our latent potential and what are we here to do and all this kind of stuff. And just the discovery of who I am and what my gifts are has been incredible.

in terms of like intelligence and the different types of intelligence that I possess, like I'm not logical and I'm not mathematical. I'm very deep. I'm a good communicator. I am very existential. So I in knowing that about myself, it's kind of given me confidence. OK, so I'm going to look at those gifts that I've been given, hone in on them and, you know, try and use them in a more productive way. So.

Yeah, it's been, it's definitely been a journey, but I think that the peace and the calmness and the serenity and the content -ness that I've experienced is absolutely as a result of giving up alcohol. There was no two ways about it. And like I would have always done like a lot of inner work beforehand.

But definitely all of that stood to me then when I gave up alcohol because I had lots of things to reach for in order to cope and to make sense of it. And that's all we're doing. We're just kind of like bodies running around the world looking for a bit of meaning and purpose, aren't we?

Jane Ballard (28:10.877)
Absolutely, yes. So you quit drinking kind of before that time period then, before the Dark Knight of the Soul. Okay.

Olivia Farrelly (28:17.308)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So about, I think probably a couple of months before that. So yeah, it was a very tentative time. I look back and I definitely had no confidence in it. I just, I knew I couldn't do it anymore. So the overriding feeling when I gave up alcohol was I can't do this anymore. I cannot wake up with another hangover. So, you know, like, so I had two young kids at the time.

Our boy was three and our girl was one. So like at that time in my life, I felt like half of everything. I was half a mother, half a wife, half an employee, half a human. It was just, and then when I would, you know, have a hangover, I was like even less of a human. Absolutely, yeah. So during that time, you know, it was tough. And as the time went on then, I just gained more confidence and more bravery and

Jane Ballard (29:01.501)
Like a quarter.

Olivia Farrelly (29:15.708)
You know, I had somebody on my own podcast a couple of weeks ago and she said, and I'd never heard it said like this, she said, alcohol did it all for me. So it made me brave. It made me courageous. It made me confident in a social situation where I would never have been confident before. And when I took it away, I had to become all those things. And that's exactly what happens to us. When you take it away, we have to rise up to the challenge to become the people that we were always meant to be.

Jane Ballard (29:42.557)
it.

Olivia Farrelly (29:44.796)
And it was it's having lived. It's so good, isn't it? And having lived in the body that had drank alcohol for 23 years and I've now lived in a body that has given it up for six, there is absolutely no comparison. It is just and it still is an absolute joy every time. So like, let's say we were at Pearl Jam. They came to Dublin a couple of weeks ago. I went to that. Yeah.

Jane Ballard (29:46.013)
That's so good.

Olivia Farrelly (30:11.1)
Yeah, it was amazing. And went to that totally sober. Well, obviously. So I go to everything now without a drink and I still wake up the next morning feeling proud. And it's still the pot of gold at the end of my little rainbow is that, you know, opening your eyes when you previously would have opened your eyes and had maybe black spots or, you know, dread or shame. It's the shame that really is the internal feeling of shame is so destructive.

Jane Ballard (30:15.869)
Thanks for watching.

Jane Ballard (30:42.013)
Yes, it's terrible.

Olivia Farrelly (30:42.204)
Isn't it? Isn't it? it's terrible. It's like I am wrong. You know, I am unworthy. Everything about and I had to do a huge amount to work on shame and really revisit a lot of the shame that alcohol had brought upon me. And, you know, I love holistic kind of alternative practices. And I did a lot of Reiki and I had a few spiritual leader or spiritual.

Jane Ballard (31:05.345)
Yes.

Olivia Farrelly (31:09.596)
therapists and healers that helped me get through that. And listen, whether it's a placebo or not, maybe I'm just thinking it, but I definitely, yeah, no, I am. Yeah, I think so, too. And I think the most gorgeous thing for people to know as well, the more space that you accumulate between you and your last drink, the more comfortable, the more

Jane Ballard (31:10.653)
guides.

Jane Ballard (31:18.749)
I don't know. I think there's something to that.

Olivia Farrelly (31:38.044)
confident, the more brave, but also the less shame you feel. So, you know, when we get, when we move away from those feelings, they tend to have less of a hold, you know, and I definitely would have had shame, definitely had me in a chokehold for a long time. And it's been so gorgeous just to let go of that, you know, and yeah.

Jane Ballard (31:42.973)
Mm -hmm.

Jane Ballard (31:59.101)
to have freedom and lightness from one.

Olivia Farrelly (32:02.044)
Lightness, exactly. And like definitely in the very beginning, I did a lot of exercise. So, you know, the physicality of like sweating all of those feelings outside, outside and, you know, getting used to kind of being outside of my head for a lot of the time, because, you know, as a highly sensitive person, we tend to overanalyze absolutely everything. So even just getting out of my head for an hour a day and really pushing through that, that was really, really beneficial to.

Jane Ballard (32:23.037)
Absolutely.

Olivia Farrelly (32:31.292)
But it's, isn't it the most gorgeous journey, Jane? It's so fab.

Jane Ballard (32:35.677)
It really is. It's so much better than I ever imagined or expected. And for me, I'm coming up on two years alcohol free. And after the first year, I felt so good and so free and just calm and peaceful. And I was like, okay, I've arrived, but it keeps getting better. Like I keep discovering new, deeper things about myself or about life or about connecting with other people that...

Olivia Farrelly (32:55.708)
Yeah.

Jane Ballard (33:03.389)
are so satisfying. It's not this intense high and up and down that alcohol brings. It's just this deep satisfaction and contentment and freedom that it's hard to imagine. And I think if I was listening to this several years ago, I would have thought, well, that would never happen for me. But I think if you just...

kind of trust the process and take it one step at a time. I think that this is available to everyone. This kind of miracle and miraculous way of being is available to everyone.

Olivia Farrelly (33:40.092)
Yeah. And like you said there, it's a process, you know, and I definitely went through a process. So I went through that process of stopping and starting and, you know, and of then returning back to, I'm fine, you know, and doing stints of alcohol free and then, I'm fixed now, you know, and trying moderation and moderation looked pretty horrific for me because, you know.

Jane Ballard (33:59.357)
Yeah.

Jane Ballard (34:04.861)
It just takes up so much mental space and problem solving and then shame when it doesn't go as planned and...

Olivia Farrelly (34:08.188)
Olivia Farrelly (34:14.364)
Absolutely. So I never listen to myself, you know, so I'd be like, I'm just going to drink that bottle of rose and that's it. So, you know, then something else would happen or, you know, a lot of people that I work with and that I talk to as well. So they have this same kind of thing where they if they sit down with a group of people, they watch what everybody else is drinking, how fast they're drinking and when they can get more drink, you know, so like and I often.

you know, say that oftentimes that if I was out in a pub and people wouldn't drink it fast enough, I'd sometimes go to the bar and get myself one, like on my way to the toilet or have shots with strangers or something like that, you know? So, yeah, it's just it's it's it's it's a real Renaissance, you know, it's a real I don't know if that's even the right word, but it's it's a real and it's an evolution, I suppose, in.

Jane Ballard (35:11.261)
it is.

Olivia Farrelly (35:12.572)
in alcohol at the minute, you know, that we're all kind of revisiting that we all, none of us, we didn't always have to celebrate with alcohol and getting back to those grassroots where we're actually, we're good fun by ourselves and you know, we can do everything that we did before without the cloud of alcohol, you know.

Jane Ballard (35:14.461)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (35:33.885)
Yes, well, and you don't have that parallel process going on in your mind where you're sitting there socializing and having fun with your friends, but also monitoring like when is the next round gonna happen and when can I get another drink and have I reached my three drink limit that I promised myself and well, maybe I'll have one more. It's like all that secondary thought goes away and then you just get to be with the people that you enjoy being with and it's so much simpler.

Olivia Farrelly (36:02.556)
That's absolutely what happens. You know, the mental chatter stops, you know, and even though some of us drink to stop the mental chatter, actually when we drink alcohol, it exacerbates it then, you know, and you're always, yeah, absolutely. And lots of people, I would love to just bring them even for five minutes to have the head space of what it feels like a couple of years down the road.

Jane Ballard (36:15.549)
Yes.

Olivia Farrelly (36:28.732)
and just for them to hold tight that it absolutely will happen, that it is a process. It's a process that we've all gone through and that most people have to go through as well. It's kind of that a layer is removed, okay? And then maybe they'll get more knowledge and the more that they know and the more they read and the more they realize about alcohol and how intrinsic it is in our...

culture and how insidious it is when, you know, even just the chemical composition of it's like that it is incredibly addictive, you know, and the more they learn and the more empowered they become.

Jane Ballard (37:08.861)
Absolutely right. It's not like a moral failing or something wrong with them if they struggle with using more than planned. Like that is what alcohol is designed to do is to create this phenomenon of wanting more and more and not being satisfied and over drinking. You know, it's just that's what it does.

Olivia Farrelly (37:29.564)
Yeah, and I would often for years, I'd often watch some of my friends and they would know that the exact time where I've had enough, they would say, I can't drink anymore. I'm actually I'm done. That absolutely never happened to me. Not once would I have said, I've had enough. I never I never felt I had reached.

capacity because I'd always bypass that, you know, so I would black out or I would just get too drunk. But I never knew when to stop. My brain never switched off, you know, I never got those feelings.

Jane Ballard (38:05.697)
Yeah. And I think for many of us, that part of the brain just goes offline once alcohol is introduced. You know, I used to say to myself back when I was drinking and there would be times when I would plan to moderate and fail. And I came to the conclusion that the brain that had zero drinks and said, I'm only going to have one was a different brain than the brain who had consumed one drink and was deciding whether or not to honor that.

Olivia Farrelly (38:11.932)
Yeah.

Jane Ballard (38:33.693)
commitment or have a second. That brain with one drink on board is a different brain and it's like, what? Why would I stop now? Why don't I have another drink?

Olivia Farrelly (38:42.044)
Absolutely. And I, as I reflect back now, I knew that I now know that I was an I. That part of me, conscious me, was not in control, that there was something else running the show and it was the physiological need for more, more alcohol. So, you know, as I kind of know now a bit more about dopamine and how it causes that surge in our brain and the plummet. So my brain and my

physiology was just looking for more of that dopamine. So I despised that kind of low feeling, you know, and I always thought that three drinks was the most gorgeous feeling within my body, but never have I ever stopped at three drinks. And if I did, it would cause me a lot of pain. Let's say I was driving, well, I've been driven somewhere after three drinks that, you know, it just, it would be kind of torturous.

Jane Ballard (39:16.573)
Absolutely.

Jane Ballard (39:33.725)
Yeah.

Jane Ballard (39:40.989)
Yeah.

Olivia Farrelly (39:41.855)
the urge that came on me for more. And that wasn't me. Like that wasn't Olivia in the driver's seat. That was something that wasn't, you know, how I describe it now is I think it was like physiological, there was a physiological need for more alcohol, you know.

Jane Ballard (39:55.677)
Absolutely. Well, two, if we have any listeners out there who maybe they're sober curious, they want to try this, but it feels overwhelming, they don't know where to start. Any simple advice or simple tools that were helpful for you or that are helpful with some of your clients that you might recommend.

Olivia Farrelly (39:57.052)
Yeah.

Olivia Farrelly (40:16.476)
Yeah, so I think, you know, as Oprah says, our lives are always talking to us. So we're always being fed little clues about the direction that our life is going in. And, you know, we can course correct at any time. So if you're getting little clues that alcohol is not working for you. OK, so the clues for me were that if I would drink, I think the least amount of drink I ever blacked out on was maybe four drinks.

Right. So when it started getting to that low, I was kind of like, right, something's not right here. And it, you know, I was vomiting for up to 12 hours after a hangover, or with a hangover. so like I was feeling really low. My mood was really low. So I was very apathetic. So I just wasn't enjoying it like I used to. So

and the costs became far greater than the benefits. And I think if people really take a logical look at it and just do a bit of comparing and contrasting, compare and contrast your drinking now to what it was like when you were younger. If you were easily able to deal with it and cope with it then, but it's just it's taken more than it's given now. Just really explore that. And and I suppose the most logical way to deal with that is to to look at a

break from alcohol, whether it be 30, 31 days or up to 100 days. And just give yourself that break because we tend never to give ourselves those breaks because we are in a culture where everything is celebrated with alcohol. Birthdays and Christenings and Christmas and the Fourth of July and, you know, all these different things. So, yeah, yeah. So just give yourself a bit of space and time to reflect and

Jane Ballard (41:43.229)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (41:52.029)
Right.

Olivia Farrelly (42:03.356)
you know, and draw upon these kind of that inner bravery that we talked about and along just earlier, you know, and your body knows and you know, you're always getting messages from like a higher power or your higher self, you know, the things are working out and it just followed that kind of intuition and see how I see where you go. You know, it will definitely be the greatest thing that anyone can ever do.

Jane Ballard (42:07.185)
Okay.

Jane Ballard (42:19.005)
Yes.

Olivia Farrelly (42:31.292)
It has proved to be for me and I'm sure it's proved to be for you too.

Jane Ballard (42:36.701)
Absolutely. You know, I think about it. It's like, I think of the whole person being like the body, mind and the spirit. And I think my body feels better physically. My mind is clear. I'm more creative. I feel better about myself. But I think from a spiritual point, like that's where I've grown exponentially. It's almost like alcohol.

Olivia Farrelly (42:38.076)
Yeah.

Jane Ballard (43:03.037)
kind of dampens our spirituality and our ability to hear our higher self. And I think we do still get glimpses of it and we still can access that part of ourself. But when I was thinking about stopping drinking, I would notice, I would get to this really good place spiritually and then I'd have a few drinks and then it would take me several days to get back to that place of spiritual clarity. And then I would drink again and then I'd go back and it was just this back and forth, back and forth.

And once I took away that dampening effect of alcohol, it's just like this flourishing of my ability to feel connected to God, a higher power, to my higher self, and to realize that we're all connected, you know, that we're all, you know, we're all just in human form visiting this place called Earth, trying to figure things out and trying to find our purpose, and we're really not all that different.

Olivia Farrelly (44:00.956)
I could have said all that. That's exactly what I believe as well, that we are so connected. And actually, probably one of the first incidents I had of that. So when I gave birth to Irla, that's our son, he was nine, sorry, nine years ago. And I looked at him. This is very dramatic, right? But I looked at him and I literally could have given birth to every human on earth.

Jane Ballard (44:04.125)
You

Jane Ballard (44:17.373)
Mm -hmm.

Jane Ballard (44:23.869)
Yeah.

Olivia Farrelly (44:29.148)
That's how connected I felt to him. And he was every baby ever born. And I literally wanted to be the mother to 100 ,000 kids, right? That's just very profound for me. But like he...

Jane Ballard (44:34.269)
Yeah.

Jane Ballard (44:42.397)
this sense of awe and wonder and like you just embodied mother.

Olivia Farrelly (44:47.58)
But he is every baby ever born, right? And our daughter too. They're every baby ever born of every socioeconomic status, of every creed, of every colour, of every race in the world. We are all the same.

That's been one of the biggest lessons for me as well. And especially, you know, people developmentally go kind of, we all follow the same path, really, maybe just at different points. So we all generally experience the same thing. But obviously, it's our ego that sets us apart. Well, she said this and that, and, you know, but we're all exactly the same. We all hurt in the same way. We all feel love in the same way, you know. And I think there's definitely is, you know.

Jane Ballard (45:15.549)
Yes.

Olivia Farrelly (45:34.172)
if we're to go deeper, even in spirituality, like something is happening. You know, there's a deep collective awakening, you know, and we're all trying to up level a little bit, you know, and we're all trying to make sense of this and we're all trying to, you know, feel a little bit more. And, you know, definitely, I think removing alcohol will that's a catalyst for people kind of making changes and becoming better versions of themselves, not just for ourselves.

Jane Ballard (45:41.693)
I think he's right.

Olivia Farrelly (46:02.524)
but for wider humanity, very dramatic, I know, but...

Jane Ballard (46:05.968)
Absolutely. No, I agree. And I think that it can feel self -centered or egotistical to try to become the best version of yourself. But I think it's actually the opposite of that. I think that when each human lives into his or her purpose and becomes his or her best self and is in touch with their higher self, that is how we serve the world. That is how we connect. That is how we give others hope and touch others' lives in a positive way. And so

It's a mutually beneficial, I don't know, goal.

Olivia Farrelly (46:40.956)
Yeah. And I remember the way I like to look at it, like we're God's expression of, or the universe's expression, expressed on earth as never before. So our physique, our perspective, our place in the world geographically has never been expressed. And it's like a fingerprint, you know, we're all unique. And that is how God

Jane Ballard (46:54.397)
Yes.

Olivia Farrelly (47:08.764)
touches the world, you know, in human form and that we're all here to, as a bigger part of life's tapestry, you know, that those tiny little threads and we were all being weaved together to create something really beautiful. And, you know, I would definitely feel most days in my life, this incredible connection to something bigger than who I am, you know.

And I definitely have an exceptional amount of joy in my heart most of the time. And I definitely attribute that to alcohol. But I also, I healed my gut after giving up alcohol. That was a very specific intention that I had. And I take a really powerful probiotic and I do lots of stuff with my gut health in mind. And I think that has helped me as well to feel a huge amount of joy.

and the fact that I'm a deeply feeling person too. But I think there's definitely ways in which we can access more joy in our lives too, without just having to have a really deep spiritual practice.

Jane Ballard (48:15.485)
Absolutely. Well, and I think the gut brain access is a real thing and we're learning more and more about that. And yeah, I, you know, it's interesting. I don't know a whole lot about gut health, but I have heard several people who are alcohol free talking about how that was part of their journey and how that's been instrumental. And there's gotta be something to that.

Olivia Farrelly (48:37.084)
Absolutely, absolutely. I definitely know that my mood is very stable. Well, apart from the Perryman and Paul's issues, but it's very stable and it has been for the last six years. I go through very few major ups and downs and nothing that a good night's sleep can't fix. You know, sleep is incredibly important and you know, me and my husband are massive sleepers. We place a outrageous amount of importance on sleep.

Jane Ballard (48:43.453)
Yes.

Olivia Farrelly (49:04.636)
I always have, you know, and I think that's kind of been the backbone as well to, you know, this kind of feeling of contentedness and peace that I feel most of the time, you know, so there's a lot of physical things that we can do as well to help our journey, you know, making sure that we get loads of sleep and that, you know, we exercise and that we eat foods that make us feel good, that aren't too massively processed and stuff. So, you know, it's about.

Jane Ballard (49:06.685)
Yeah, who?

Jane Ballard (49:27.613)
Yes.

Olivia Farrelly (49:32.476)
You know, it's about doing those things just to make our lives better, but not just our lives, but the lives of the people around us, you know, and to have that sense of emotional regulation too, that we're regulated, you know, that, you know, if something massive comes along that we're able to cope, you know, that our window of tolerance is there and it's, you know, and we're able to.

Jane Ballard (49:53.117)
Thank you.

Olivia Farrelly (49:57.276)
cope with what life has to throw at us because, you know, I've yet to meet a person who hasn't had something exceptionally, you know, big to bear as well. You know, life kind of happens to teach us lessons and, you know, to show us gifts that we have within or, you know, to pull upon our greatest power, you know, but yeah.

Jane Ballard (50:13.277)
Yes.

Jane Ballard (50:17.053)
Right, we have resilience and grit within us that we don't even know about because we haven't had to use it yet maybe or we learn about it when we do have to use it. And I think just believing that we are equipped for whatever we encounter is so helpful in alleviating anxiety.

Olivia Farrelly (50:27.74)
Yeah, absolutely.

Olivia Farrelly (50:34.62)
Yeah, absolutely.

Jane Ballard (50:37.213)
Well, how can listeners find you?

Olivia Farrelly (50:40.572)
So yeah, I'm very active on Instagram. I have an Instagram account that has a handle called at grey area drinker and that's spelled G or E Y area drinker. And I have a web website and it's called www .greyareadrinker .ie and my podcast is called No More Booze. And it is just talking to people about how removing alcohol has improved their lives.

Jane Ballard (51:06.365)
That's awesome. Well, thank you so much for sharing a little bit of your story and your wisdom with us today. It's just been wonderful getting to talk with you and get to know you a little bit better.

Olivia Farrelly (51:19.996)
Thank you, Jane. It's been really wonderful. Thanks a million.