S1 E48 5 Simple Strategies to Protect Your Peace and End the Year Strong with Jane Ballard

Jane (00:02.378)
Hey guys, thank you so much for tuning into the podcast today. It's just me today, Jane. I wanted to come on here and talk about something that I've been hearing a lot lately in my therapy office from clients and actually something that I'm feeling myself too, to be honest, is burnout. I have talked to so many clients who are feeling overwhelmed, who are feeling frazzled.

and just struggling to get through the basics. So if you can relate to this, this episode is for you. I'm gonna talk about five simple strategies that anyone can use to protect your peace and end the year strong. Really the irony here is that a lot of us are experiencing burnout and we are entering the...

is the season of the year, the last quarter of the year for whatever reason, for me always seems to be super intense just with good stuff and with challenging stuff, know, celebrating holidays and spending time socializing with friends and family and, you know, creating and maintaining holiday traditions for my kids. All these things are really good things, but also can bring a lot of stress and a lot of internal pressure.

So sometimes it helps just to dial it back, slow down and try to keep it simple. So it's November and I am recording this episode on November 6th, the day after the election. And I think regardless of who was your preferred candidate to win, I think, you know, this is a little bit of a...

continuous intense time for our country just going through more change and facing more uncertainty It's a lot so add that onto our list of Why the last quarter of the year is? So very intense You know, I woke up this morning something I try to do I struggle to wake up in the morning I'm not a morning person but

Jane (02:24.126)
I like to start my day early. often start seeing clients at 7 a.m. So something I'll do to wake myself up is to pick up my phone. Not the best thing. However, rather than immediately checking email or pulling up social media, I will open to my Kindle app and I have the Daily Stoic book and it's just a little...

one two-page blurb. There's one for every day of the year and I've had the same book for several years because never do I do it every day so I just kind of pick up where I've left off and this is what it said for November 6th. It said someone else is spinning the thread and then it has this quote from Seneca, the breaking day sees someone proud the ending day sees them brought low.

No one should put too much trust in triumph. No one should give up hope of trials improving. Plotho mixes one with the other and stops, fortune from resting, spinning every fate around. No one has had so much divine favor that they could guarantee themselves tomorrow. God keeps our hearts hurtling on spinning in a whirlwind. Okay, so what do we make of this? I think basically that

Our ability to feel peace and joy in this life cannot depend on external circumstances because when things are good, that's wonderful. We all crave things to be good. However, it doesn't last. Everything is constantly in a state of change and flux. And if we can almost just

be water, let's flow like water and be open, open ourselves up to the experience. Even if the experience is unpleasant or we're dreading it or we're predicting that the outcome will be negative, let's get curious about that. And really, I try to look at it as...

Jane (04:47.176)
really truly experiencing life means that we must open ourselves up to the full range of human emotion, of human experience. Like part of the beauty of getting to experience this life is figuring out how to get through the hard moments and how do we reduce the suffering that that entails. I think a piece of the suffering that that

that comes from hard moments is the resistance and the, just the tension and the, the trying to just get through it and white knuckle our way through it. I had an interesting experience recently at the state fair of Texas. I went twice this year with my kids and this experience just keeps popping up for me as cheesy as it might sound. So,

As a kid, I was a thrill seeker. used to love roller coasters and scary amusement park rides. And as I have gotten older, I can't tolerate them like I used to. get motion sickness and nauseated and I hate that. So sad. I never thought that would happen to me, but you know, aging will do that to you. But I got on this ride with my son. I don't even know.

to describe it. Basically it looks like these two claws on the opposing ends of a very large rod and they go back and forth and the claws open and close and imagine like the seats of the ride are on the fingertips of the claws and so I got on this ride with him thinking well it's not a spinning ride so I'll probably be okay. I got on and immediately was like no I have made a mistake this is terrible.

I am gonna throw up, I can't stand it. And I almost started to panic. And then I thought, you know what, just let go, just relax and get curious about it. And so I released all the tension in my body. I let my arms just kind of dangle and I relaxed and I breathed slowly and steadily and almost like put a little bit of a smile on my face.

Jane (07:13.616)
and just kind of let myself be thrown about on this ride. And it became so much more pleasant. I got off of it and said never again, but it became tolerable. Something about letting go of resistance and accepting like I am on this ride. It's not stopping until it ends. And so let me just make the best of it or at least get curious about this experience. And it made it so much tolerable.

And that has stuck with me over the last month or so since that happened, you know, in life when I am dreading something or when I'm trying to get through something unpleasant and I'm white knuckling it, or I'm just a ball of tension. If I let go and open myself up to the experience, it becomes so much more pleasant. And...

So that's part of what I'm trying to do just as I live life through this last part of the end of the year, rather than telling myself it's going to be hard, it's going to be intense, it's going to be stressful, I'm going to be tired, whatever the case is, I'm just going to take it as it comes and open myself up to whatever that brings. So circling back to my five simple strategies,

Number one is boundaries. Boundaries are your friend. And you know, we hear a lot about boundaries these days and sometimes it feels really harsh to set boundaries with people. However, it's also not just setting boundaries with other people, it's setting boundaries with yourself, boundaries of constraint. And I think

For me as a mother and a woman, this comes in the form of remembering that I am only responsible for myself. I cannot be responsible for other people's emotions. I cannot be responsible for eliminating the painful consequences of their actions. And sometimes I have to remind myself of that. Like, hey, I can't carry this.

Jane (09:28.168)
And I need to practice constraint here. I need to set a boundary with myself and resist the urge to step in and take over and try to fix or try to protect or try to rescue. And remember that, you know, consequences are wonderful, little teachers. That's how we all learn as human beings. And so I'd like to challenge you to just be aware.

not just a boundaries in the traditional sense of saying no or, you know, letting somebody else know how you like to be treated, but really looking at your own behavior and resisting the urge to over function or take over responsibility for those who are closest to you in your life, whether it's in your family or your friends, your children, coworkers at work, you know, we don't have to be martyrs.

And really, it's not necessarily helpful for other people when we are. What is our ulterior motive? we trying to prove that we have value in some way? And if so, that's not necessarily helpful.

Second strategy, strategy number two is really kind of like a four-point strategy in one and it's these four words. These four words will help you remember this strategy. Basically eat, sleep, move, connect. These are four just basics to general well-being that if you make these non-negotiable

they really help prevent burnout. So number one, eat. So looking at your relationship with food and really trying to be intentional about nourishing your body well, you know, if we can eat something every three to five hours, we can prevent a lot of those blood sugar spikes and drops that happen during the day and lead to irritability or sleepiness. And so

Jane (11:44.19)
Just remembering, try to limit caffeine. Clearly alcohol, I'm an advocate of eliminating alcohol or being really intentional about if you're sober curious and you do still drink, if you can take it or leave it, maybe leave it. Or if you do wanna drink, really setting your intentions and sticking with that. Sugar, sugar's another one.

I've been struggling with this one. Halloween just happened and I basically had candy for dinner that night as I took my kids trick or treating and I paid for it the next day. It's first time I've felt hungover in a long time, but I think I had a sugar hangover. And sugar really does impact our mood. It creates inflammation in the body and can lead to irritability and low mood. So just.

keeping those things in mind. Obviously, perfection is not the goal, but you know, just being intentional and picking and choosing when you want to indulge in some of those things that then lead to crashes.

Jane (12:56.074)
Sleep is the next one. So I try to get eight hours of sleep, it rarely happens, but if I can get an average of seven and a half, to me that's a win. And I think, I can't remember where I saw this study, but there is research showing that to have at least seven and a half hours of sleep is protective against age-related cognitive decline. So that makes me feel better.

when I can get those seven and a half hours and really sleep is probably the best thing you can do for your physical health and your mental health. Sleep is like medicine. So just don't underestimate the power of really good, consistent sleep habits. Move. So this doesn't have to be like an intense workout every day. This could be a 10 minute walk or

It could be like laying on the ground in your bedroom and stretching before bed, but just coming back into your body and doing movement that feels good to you really is foundational for your mental health and obviously physical health as well. So trying to prioritize that when you can and knowing that anything is better than nothing. 10 minutes twice a week is better than nothing. So

don't feel like you have to be going to the gym to be moving. And then last but not least is connecting. So this is maintaining communication with one or two close people in your life, socializing with people in a way that feels good for you, not just social obligations and things you feel like you have to do, but really spending time with people that...

that pour into you and that you pour into and that feel like healthy, good connections, people you can be genuine with and who genuinely love you. And then also connecting with your higher power, making time for prayer if you pray or meditation or whatever spiritual practices that you have, really prioritizing those even again, similar to movement, even if it's just

Jane (15:17.316)
few minutes a day dedicated to you know a meditation practice or prayer or maybe just being out in nature and anchoring yourself to the present moment and allowing yourself to enjoy this beautiful creation and this beautiful earth where we have the privilege of living.

Hey, number three, you are your own best friend or worst enemy. Use kind words. So this comes down to just being aware of how you're talking to yourself. Typically, we are not as compassionate with ourselves as we are with other people. We tend to be a little bit harsher, a little more critical of ourselves. And so really just trying to notice when you're doing that.

And when you do try to reframe, you know, I find myself doing this a lot, you know, as, know, if I, if I'm getting forgetful, if I'm running late, I'll, say something critical or negative to myself about myself and just reminding myself like, you know, that it doesn't do any good. It doesn't motivate me. You know, we think that when we're harsh with ourselves, it's like cracking the whip and it'll motivate us to keep going, but really.

in a way, it just kind of beats us down and makes us more stressed and less effective. And so really trying to practice self-compassion and just even if you can't say something positive to yourself, trying to say it in a more neutral tone.

Strategy number four, urge surfing. So when cravings come up, and this isn't necessarily just a craving for alcohol, this could be a craving for any kind of activity that you use to cope that has a negative consequence. basically any dopamine seeking activities this could apply to. So that could be sugar, that could be

Jane (17:22.483)
mindlessly scrolling on your phone. It could be binge watching Netflix. It could be eating a lot of sugar, whatever the case may be.

You know, clearly we're not going to eliminate all these things, but just trying to have some intention and you know, again, the boundaries of constraint coming come in here, like resisting the urge to overdo it in these areas. And remembering that when we have cravings, these are temporary states. And so reminding yourself that every craving has a beginning, a middle and an end. And it's like a wave. It will come on.

It will increase, will peak in intensity, and then it will gradually go down. And on average, a craving lasts about 20 minutes. And so just reminding yourself, even if you have to set a timer for 20 minutes, like reminding yourself like, hey, just ride the wave, get through this, and then reevaluate in 20 minutes from now and see where you are. When we are in a craving, it feels like it's going to last forever. Like it will not go away until it's satisfied.

And that's a very real feeling. So just reminding yourself like, even though it feels like this, let's just see what happens. Give it time. Cause it will pass. Like any kind of mental or physical state will pass, you know, even the good ones, as much as we would like those to last forever, they pass. All of it is transitory. And so just reminding yourself like, this is going to pass. Maybe you're having a horrible down day and you're being hit with cravings, you know, off and on throughout the day.

just reminding yourself to put one foot in front of the other, get through this day, get a good night's sleep if you can, and tomorrow will likely be easier, will be better.

Jane (19:16.422)
And then last but not least, this is my mantra, begin again. You know, you are going to make mistakes. You're going to fall short of your expectations for yourself. And really there is no failure. This, this life is not about doing things perfectly and arriving at the finish line. As cliche as it sounds, it really is about being present and learning along the way.

And part of how we learn is through trial and error and, you know, mistakes, failing. Like there is no failure. It's just feedback. It's just data. So let's say you don't ride the wave of that craving successfully and you do give in. It's okay. You know, don't sit there and beat yourself up. Don't throw in the towel and give up. Simply begin again and, and maybe reach out to someone.

you know, connect with somebody who can listen and validate your experience and give you support.

So I hope that that resonated with you. I'm going to summarize these strategies just to kind of help you solidify them. And then I also have a handout I made. So if you are interested in the handout, just shoot me an email and I'll send it to you. My email is jane at janewballard.com. So the five simple strategies to protect your peace and end the year strong are.

In summary, number one, boundaries. Boundaries are your friend. You're only responsible for you. Number two, eat, sleep, move, connect. These are your non-negotiable strategies for well-being. Number three, use kind words with yourself. Your thoughts matters. Your self-talk matters. You are your own best friend. We have to befriend ourselves. You are with you for life.

Jane (21:25.884)
You know, so make your relationship with yourself a positive, enjoyable one. Number four, ride the wave. Urge surfing 101, ride the wave. Every craving, every urge has a beginning, a middle, and an end and will last on average for 20 minutes. Just hang on and get through it. And then number five, begin again. There is no failure, only feedback. If you fall down, get back up.

always begin again. All right, well, thank you for listening and I really appreciate you. I hope that your fall season moving into the holidays is going smoothly and that when you're feeling the burnout, these strategies will help you. Also, Amanda released a meditation on last Monday. It was a great

a great just really short, I think it was about five minutes long. So if you want to bookmark that, that's a great resource for just kind of slowing down and listening to that, you know, when you can five, five minutes throughout the day, you can find five minutes throughout the day just to pull that up and give yourself a moment to go through that meditation and anchor yourself to the present moment.

All right, well, I look forward to connecting with you all again soon and take care. Have a wonderful week.