The Real Sober Stories with Mario Bencivenga

Jane (00:02.272)
Hello, hello. Today we have Mario Bencivenga on the podcast. And Mario is very brave because he reached out to me on Instagram and asked if he could share his story on the podcast. And of course I said yes. I love to hear from listeners and I love for you all to feel connected to each other and be able to share your stories. so Mario, thank you so much for reaching out. I'm so glad you're here.

Mario Bencivenga (00:03.239)
I love you.

Mario Bencivenga (00:31.792)
Yes, thank you for having me, Jane. I'm so excited to be here.

Jane (00:35.76)
Awesome. Well, to start out, maybe just tell us a little bit about where you are in the world and kind of when your sober story began.

Mario Bencivenga (00:47.346)
So I'm from Babylon, Long Island, a small little village on the south shore. And my sober journey started January 20th, 2024.

Jane (01:04.348)
Okay, January 20th, 2024. Okay. That's a great time to start in January. you one of the people who was considering dry January or is that just kind of happenstance that it started in January?

Mario Bencivenga (01:20.826)
So it's interesting because at first everybody thought, because I wasn't very open about it. People thought I was just doing dry January and. I. It was one of those things where in December I actually was like, OK, I need to stop. I need to get help. And I would do two weeks over and then I would relapse and that went on like two or three times. By January 20th.

Jane (01:47.881)
Okay.

Mario Bencivenga (01:50.372)
that's kind of when you know I got really low and some stuff happened so

Jane (01:58.814)
Okay, and at that point, it sounds like it kind of became clear to you that it was time to do something different.

Mario Bencivenga (02:06.194)
Absolutely. Yeah, it was just, it was now and ever, you know. So, one of those eye-opening moments.

Jane (02:13.343)
Yeah.

Jane (02:16.936)
Well, let's back up a little bit and can you tell me a little bit about when you were first introduced to alcohol and even what that looked like for you growing up in your family and in your community on Long Island?

Mario Bencivenga (02:32.678)
Yeah, so I don't come from a huge drinking family. It was always around at family parties, you know, we're Italians, so food's always around too, and that was a huge focus. But I can always remember, and this is even before like puberty, I was always interested in it. I always thought it looked cool, the smells, the colors, and I think what really captured my interest though was when

Jane (02:43.699)
Yeah.

Mario Bencivenga (03:03.046)
You had a drink in your hand. It looked like you were having more fun and enjoying life.

Jane (03:09.066)
That's fascinating that even as a child you picked up on that, that the people who have the drink in their hand appeared to be having more fun.

Mario Bencivenga (03:09.434)
That's not me.

Mario Bencivenga (03:17.318)
Yeah, I was always curious about it.

Jane (03:21.726)
Wow. And what did you notice? What did people drink when you were a kid? What did you notice them having?

Mario Bencivenga (03:28.518)
a lot of beers, some wine. The only liquor I really remember was Jack Daniels and my dad drinks Jack Daniels on occasion. My parents aren't really big drinkers, neither are my sisters. But Jack Daniels always caught my eye and that was later my drink of choice.

Jane (03:39.474)
Okay.

Jane (03:53.276)
Okay. And so tell me a little bit about what you were like in school.

Mario Bencivenga (04:01.49)
So it was interesting because I was like a nice good kid, but I would always, I like mischief. I wouldn't do it in school. I would do it outside of school because in school, you know, there was a lot of, my family's very involved in the town and the village and I was very involved and I kind of had a standard for myself that, know, I not to...

Jane (04:16.361)
Okay.

Mario Bencivenga (04:30.706)
goof off in school, know, just kind of, you know, be present and be a Pica student.

I always felt though that I was a little bit different. So bullying was a factor in the beginning of school and even really up till middle school was, it wasn't like outright like being shoved in a locker, but it was the little things, little comments and you can't sit with us kind of stuff and just little stuff that builds up. It made me feel.

Jane (05:08.318)
Right, more subtle things where you were excluded or not accepted fully.

Mario Bencivenga (05:10.738)
Chopper.

Mario Bencivenga (05:14.396)
Exactly, so I felt like being myself, that was wrong.

and we have to have a great time.

Jane (05:19.774)
Yeah, like something for whatever reason, which probably you weren't able to identify really a reason, but for whatever reason you felt that something about you wasn't the way it should have been.

Mario Bencivenga (05:30.332)
Yeah, 100%.

Jane (05:32.838)
Okay, did you come from a family with a lot of kids or do you have siblings?

Mario Bencivenga (05:38.236)
So I am one of three, I'm the middle. I have two sisters and we're all very close.

Jane (05:41.053)
Okay.

Okay, middle child. I'm a middle child too. And when did you first decide to try drinking?

Mario Bencivenga (05:48.274)
Cool.

Mario Bencivenga (05:57.074)
So, you know, I would have a little sips here and there when I was young, but I didn't really like it. You know, I just did it more because I thought it was cool.

I remember my first beer though, my first drink ever was when I was 14 and that was a Jack and Coke at a funeral procession. I went up to the bar with a couple of my family members and somebody ordered me a drink and I started sucking it down with his straw. And my dad came over and swiped it right from me because he knew.

Jane (06:22.144)
Thanks.

Mario Bencivenga (06:40.336)
That was a battle. Yeah, that was and that was always something that my dad and I would butt heads on was underage drinking because my parents, they weren't like the cool parents, you know.

Jane (06:40.541)
He knew there was alcohol in it.

Jane (06:53.438)
Yeah, that would allow kids to drink as long as they were at the house or something like that.

Mario Bencivenga (06:58.446)
Exactly. Yeah, so I would just go drink at other people's houses and try and hide it.

Jane (07:03.081)
Yeah.

Jane (07:06.534)
Okay. And that time when you actually had like an entire drink or maybe almost an entire drink, what was your impression of it?

Mario Bencivenga (07:16.986)
tasted good. It tasted good and I felt like you know one of the guys and I felt cool. I felt cool and I liked it.

Jane (07:18.681)
Yeah.

Jane (07:27.944)
Yeah.

Jane (07:33.364)
Yeah, like there's this sense of belonging and ease in social situations. Yeah. Okay. And when would you say that you started noticing that there was a downside to drinking?

Mario Bencivenga (07:52.87)
Downside. I could tell you the that I realized I had an issue. And so this is crazy. It was my buddies and I were going to a Yankee game and it was like a one o'clock game. It was my idea. I decided that we would pregame hard. And so I bought a bottle of vodka and we...

I know I had probably five drinks just on the train. Cause we had these big, big gold glasses and just poured like five shots in. Or I did. I can't speak for anybody else, but, and it just kept going from there. We, you know, we went to a couple bars before and then we went to the hard rock at the Yankees game and I had like five or six mimosas and yeah.

Jane (08:27.112)
Okay.

Jane (08:36.277)
Yeah.

Jane (08:50.588)
Were you a teenager still at this point?

Mario Bencivenga (08:51.986)
no, this was 2023. So it took me a long time to realize that I had an issue.

Jane (08:58.003)
Okay.

Jane (09:02.77)
Okay, so this was in your 20s, so several years into drinking.

Mario Bencivenga (09:08.483)
Yeah, about seven years in. And then I had seven or eight drinks during the game. I don't really remember the game. I was on the Jumbotron three times because I just would dance crazy and just was out of my mind. But I did something interesting after the game and I still think about this.

Jane (09:11.785)
Okay.

Jane (09:24.192)
you

Mario Bencivenga (09:37.188)
So we went to a liquor store after and I, cause I wanted like a little shot as if I needed it. You I was already messed up. and this homeless man comes up to us and he's like, I need money. I need to buy like alcohol. I was, this was the liquor talking. Cause, but I was like, I'm not going to give you money to buy alcohols. Like you don't need it. And I convinced this homeless man. I showed him a poem that cause I write poetry and I, I've written poems about

Jane (09:43.648)
you

Mario Bencivenga (10:07.046)
you know, when I was hung over and depressed, like, why am I drinking stuff like that? And I showed him one of these poems and he actually turned around. didn't, he didn't pick up. But it's interesting because, I was telling other people that they don't need to drink and, know, there's other ways and, you know, life's better when you're sober. But yet I was tanked. I couldn't see it for myself, but I didn't want anybody else to be like me.

Jane (10:10.047)
Yeah.

Jane (10:35.07)
That's fascinating. So you had some insight and it's almost like you're talking to yourself when you're talking to this homeless guy.

Mario Bencivenga (10:39.794)
Thank

Mario Bencivenga (10:43.676)
Absolutely.

Jane (10:47.072)
So do you, guess the next morning, did you recall that incident and kind of reflect on that?

Mario Bencivenga (10:47.538)
day.

Mario Bencivenga (10:56.658)
I remembered it, but I didn't want to reflect on it because if I reflected on it, it would hit too close to home. And, but that's not even what made me realize I had an issue. So after the homeless man, we went back to a couple of bars and we took the train home and now it's like five o'clock. Everybody's drunk as shit. I'm drunk. No, 5 PM. Yeah.

Jane (11:02.984)
Okay.

Jane (11:18.932)
Yeah, 5 a.m.

Jane (11:23.041)
Okay, stay drinking.

Mario Bencivenga (11:25.458)
And yeah, everybody else went home to take a nap and take a rest and take a break. I was the only one who was like, nah, you know, I'm going to keep going. Because if I went home one, my parents wouldn't let me out and that would have crushed my day. Like it just would have been like, I can't drink anymore. That sucks. And two, I didn't want to stop. You know, I like the feeling. I like that. That coasting.

Jane (11:48.0)
Mm-hmm.

Mario Bencivenga (11:54.93)
I was the only one that went to the bar after. Yeah, and then I met up with them later, but I didn't stop drinking.

Jane (11:55.167)
Yeah.

Jane (11:59.284)
So do you just go by yourself?

Jane (12:07.85)
So by the end of that, after all those hours of drinking, were you still functioning and able to recall or were you in a blackout?

Mario Bencivenga (12:17.358)
a brown out. I remember we were at a restaurant and I had two drinks and I wolfed down some food, wolfed it down too quick and went out to the parking lot and got sick and then came back and I drank more.

Jane (12:36.992)
pay.

Mario Bencivenga (12:44.658)
And the rest of the night, you I was just at a bar and I just kind of stumbled home with my friends.

Jane (12:51.616)
Yeah.

Mario Bencivenga (12:51.664)
But that's when I realized I had an issue.

Jane (12:54.272)
So you.

Jane (12:58.496)
So did you realize it the next morning or how did that come to you?

Mario Bencivenga (13:04.188)
I was sitting at the bar when everybody else went home and I went to the bar. was just sitting there and I was just sipping on a drink and I was like, nobody else is here. I was like, something's wrong with this picture. know, we were drinking all day. Why am I here? Like, you know, it just like kind of hits you and you're like, something's wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Well, have you ever heard the...

Jane (13:27.656)
Yeah. Well, have you ever heard the Huberman Lab episode on alcohol and kind how it impacts your body and your brain?

Mario Bencivenga (13:36.53)
No, I haven't.

Jane (13:38.046)
Okay, so it's fascinating. You should definitely listen to it. But one of the things that he mentions is that there are certain genetic variations and combinations of genetic variations that predispose people to becoming dependent on alcohol or drinking in a problematic way. And he said that one of the ways that you can know

who that might be or one of the indicators that people might have a genetic predisposition to use alcohol in a problematic way is that rather than responding to several drinks with like a feeling of sedation and tiredness and kind of losing steam after a while, the people with the genetic variation tend to get more energized and they want to keep going and they're kind of like the life of the party and they're the people who can stay up.

till the sun rises, whereas the other people either vomit and get sick and want to go to bed or they pass out. And so really vomiting and passing out are protective factors. And the people who can just keep going and going tend to keep going and going because alcohol, you know, the very molecular structure of alcohol causes our brains to say more, more, more. We want to maintain this high.

Mario Bencivenga (14:46.652)
Yeah.

Mario Bencivenga (15:00.487)
Mm-hmm.

Jane (15:00.742)
And so that's interesting for you that when you notice, my friends are at home taking a nap and here I am at the bar drinking by myself, like something's wrong with this picture.

Mario Bencivenga (15:11.29)
Yeah, yeah. It was definitely eye opening. And I take some like medications prescribed and you know all of them say on the label do not mix with alcohol and you know one of them I take is Ritalin for ADHD and that basically allows you to drink more.

Jane (15:14.526)
Yeah, that's fascinating.

Mario Bencivenga (15:39.607)
and keep going. So it's like, you know, that's just a bad cocktail to have. Exactly.

Jane (15:45.052)
right negates the sedative qualities.

Mario Bencivenga (15:52.796)
Bye.

Jane (15:53.734)
So you mentioned that you write poetry. Can you tell me a little bit more about that?

Mario Bencivenga (15:57.159)
Mm-hmm.

Mario Bencivenga (16:00.624)
Yeah, so I, I've always been creative and my creativity is kind of manifested in different ways as he played as years have went on. I started writing poetry in college after a breakup. I needed to get my emotions out. and that's, that's the best way I found to do it. And, you know, I would write about

losing her and the pain. But I would also write about depression and anxiety and what I was going through, because I was drowning myself in booze at that time. The senior year of college was rough.

Jane (16:48.51)
And was that also after the break up. Yeah.

Mario Bencivenga (16:59.11)
just I would fall asleep on the couch with bottles of scotch and a pen in my hand and a poem on the table. But I started, you know, after post-college, I needed stuff to do to try and keep me busy and sane. So I started going to open mics and started performing live and doing poetry. And then poetry became songwriting.

And then songwriting became singing. I took singing lessons and I formed a band. Wow. Yeah.

Jane (17:37.024)
How?

That's awesome. So do y'all play in the New York area or what does that look like?

Mario Bencivenga (17:44.252)
We do. dive bars are our favorite places to play, know, dirty, grungy dive bars with, but filled with like the nicest people. that's our scene, you know, gritty and just, you know, rock and roll and we, anything cover wise, but originals it's like rock and roll. So, and that's been eye opening too, you know, cause when I got sober performing, was, I was nervous. I was like, am I going to have the confidence?

Jane (17:55.646)
Yeah.

Mario Bencivenga (18:14.406)
to do this and I've never sounded better.

Jane (18:21.084)
interesting how when we're drinking, we tell ourselves like, I have to keep drinking or I won't be able to do this successfully. You know, I won't be able to have fun socially or I won't be able to perform because I'll be too anxious. And then the reality of it is, is that usually it's the opposite of that. And yes, you probably did feel nervous the first few times, but then you kind of acclimate to that and it's fun.

Mario Bencivenga (18:41.5)
you

Mario Bencivenga (18:45.455)
Yeah, yeah, it's it's because I'm aware I'm a present now and I'm aware, you know, I can not just up there to go into the motions, you know, I can think I can live and I love it.

Jane (18:57.983)
Yeah.

Yeah, you can choose how you present yourself and you're right. You can be fully aware and present for that moment and feel alive rather than being anesthetized and not fully remembering how amazing that is.

Mario Bencivenga (19:08.562)
Mm-hmm.

Mario Bencivenga (19:13.638)
Absolutely.

Jane (19:16.158)
What kind of music do you sing?

Mario Bencivenga (19:20.082)
So we do covers, you know, my sweet spot is the Rolling Stones. I do some nice poison and Aerosmith. Those are kind of the top three I Yeah, they're my guys. I love them. They had a big impact on me musically.

Jane (19:35.068)
Nice. And I see you've got a Guns N' Roses shirt on now.

Mario Bencivenga (19:50.492)
figured I have to wrap them.

Jane (19:50.784)
That's awesome. I mean, and they were popular. That was actually my favorite band when I was in fourth grade back in, I don't even know what year that would have been like 1988 or something like that. So how did you being a young guy, how did you get interested in this band?

Mario Bencivenga (20:04.731)
Yeah

Mario Bencivenga (20:13.778)
I gotta give credit to Pops. My dad, he's huge in a rock and roll. When we were young, driving in the car, we'd be singing Sweet Child of Mine and Welcome to the Jungle. It's actually really cool because my friend, one of my best friends and bandmates, he likes Guns N' Roses too. And kinda how we became very close is my dad had this music videos tape of Guns N' Roses.

and my buddy and I would literally for hours, Jane, would replay the tape and just pretend we were Axl Rose and Slash and just dance around, do air guitar, and it was just so fun. That is so awesome. Yeah.

Jane (20:56.989)
awesome. So were you Axel Rose or were Slash?

Mario Bencivenga (21:01.35)
I was Axl Rose. I'm the singer. Yeah.

Jane (21:03.144)
Nice, the singer. Yeah, that's so cool.

Mario Bencivenga (21:08.026)
Yeah.

Jane (21:11.626)
So tell me a little bit about your family and their role, you know, in you becoming sober and since you've become sober, have they been supportive of that journey?

Mario Bencivenga (21:23.194)
Absolutely. Yeah, they my dad is like my best friend and we Many many talks, you know, I this dress and just that I put them through I you know, I just feel bad about but they were with me every step of the way they never gave up on me and You know when I said I want to go to rehab and get help. He was like, okay, let's make the call

Jane (21:49.598)
That's huge.

Mario Bencivenga (21:52.452)
I'm very lucky to have to have them.

Jane (21:55.86)
Yeah. And what about other community or friends? you relied on the support of others or what has that been like for you?

Mario Bencivenga (22:07.058)
So my friends have been so supportive because they've seen it all. They've seen the good, they've seen the bad and the in-between. Basically, I can sum it up as one of my friends said this. He said, if I ever see you with a drink in your hand, I'm gonna slap it out. Because they're just like, and I wasn't a mean drunk. wasn't vicious or physical. I was just a...

funny kind of giggly guy, you know, they knew how bad I was suffering on the inside when I would tell them. Yeah, mean, I didn't, I didn't tell anybody how bad I was feeling totally, but the people that I let in, they knew something was wrong and they're just so glad to see me happy now. And they bust my chops about it, you know, but that's what friends do. You know, I wouldn't want them not to do it, you know.

Jane (22:43.902)
Yeah, you would let them in.

Jane (23:04.584)
Yeah, I mean you gotta have a sense of humor.

Mario Bencivenga (23:06.226)
Exactly, exactly.

Jane (23:09.436)
Yeah. Okay, so did you go to like a residential type treatment or day treatment or what did that look like for you?

Mario Bencivenga (23:12.08)
you

Mario Bencivenga (23:17.106)
So I checked into, I did outpatient rehab. I never went inpatient. Outpatient, 20 minutes away from my house and I go twice a week still. And then I do a couple AA meetings and sponsor. I have a sponsor. Great. It's changed my life for the better in so many ways because not only

Jane (23:21.491)
Okay.

Jane (23:36.69)
Awesome, how has that been for you?

Mario Bencivenga (23:46.492)
does it help me? But I find that the more I share my story and kind of what I'm thinking in those rooms, the more it helps other people. people are listening and they want help. It's nice to be around people who kind of think like you in the sense of, I want to stay clean too. And I want to do this. It's like a group effort, which is nice.

Jane (24:07.05)
Yeah.

Jane (24:12.527)
And even to be able to share painful things that you have been through and for other people to be able to relate and for that to give them a sense of hope, like that's a really healing feeling.

Mario Bencivenga (24:16.722)
Bye.

Mario Bencivenga (24:26.258)
Absolutely,

Jane (24:29.77)
So what would you say maybe to the younger version of yourself that was getting into drinking and maybe was using it as a means to cope with sadness or emotional pain or anxiety? Is there any advice you would give him now, kind of knowing what you know now?

Mario Bencivenga (24:53.722)
I would tell him he doesn't have to be anybody besides himself and that he was always enough for people and for the people that mattered.

Jane (25:05.288)
Yeah, that he was good as is.

Yeah. Do you think that some of that sense of not being enough, does that stem back to some of those earlier experiences in middle school of feeling excluded or bullied or?

Mario Bencivenga (25:23.482)
Absolutely. Absolutely, 100%.

Jane (25:25.128)
Yeah, and that's such a common experience. Most people can relate to that of having some kind of experience like that. And I think it's even harder now than it was when I was a kid because of social media and cell phones and texting and all of those things. Yeah, I mean, that's just, that's so hard for kids. And...

Mario Bencivenga (25:51.826)
It's very hard.

how would that that was hard for me to to

Mario Bencivenga (26:03.588)
I locked that away, you know, for a long time. I locked those, what happened and, you know, those moments where I felt lesser and the pain and, you know, I locked that up and I used alcohol to run from it. you know, mean, words matter. Words matter. I'm not perfect. I wasn't always the nicest to people. Nobody, nobody's perfect. But, you know,

Jane (26:18.825)
and

Jane (26:29.855)
Right.

Mario Bencivenga (26:34.072)
It's what you say to people can stick with them for a long time.

Jane (26:40.64)
That's so important for people to hear, you know, like our words have tremendous power for good or for creating pain and damage.

Mario Bencivenga (26:45.116)
Bye.

Jane (26:54.546)
and you just never know what somebody's going through.

Mario Bencivenga (26:57.643)
You know, and when I came out about my sobriety publicly in July, I had people who I didn't even realize were going through struggles reach out to me and then say thank you, you know, for what you did, you know, and I've had people get sober and quit stuff because they saw how I was doing and how...

kind of this charge locally for me. I and you know, you never know what's going on behind closed doors and behind the scenes. So.

Jane (27:38.1)
Yeah, you really don't.

Jane (27:42.208)
So you came out publicly as a sober person in July. I remember when I first did that, was really scary. What was that like for you?

Mario Bencivenga (27:57.938)
I, it was one of those things where I knew I had to do it. And I was like, this is, I was just kind of locked in and.

Mario Bencivenga (28:13.594)
I just, I remember...

like, okay, this is just the beginning, kind of like a, like a feeling like, okay, like, let's not get this over with. But like, now the real work comes where I can talk to people about it, you know, and, but I was nervous, you know, I was nervous what, not so much family, I mean, not so much friends, but I was worried that I would concern people like my family, you know, who didn't know. You know, people, people have asked me about it, people have,

Jane (28:39.712)
Mm-hmm.

Mario Bencivenga (28:47.068)
called my parents a lot and, you know, checked in, is Mario okay? What's going on? know? Because when somebody does that, it's like, whoa, like I had no idea, you know? But everybody's been really supportive. I've had some people make stupid comments, but that's gonna come. Yeah, it's gonna happen. You know, I mean, if they can't respect my sobriety, I've learned that it's just...

Jane (28:57.95)
Yeah.

Mario Bencivenga (29:17.726)
They're not worth it. don't have the time to have them in my life. know, time is very important now.

Jane (29:20.992)
right?

Jane (29:24.626)
And that's probably much more about them and what they're going on and what's happening in their life than it is about anything you have done or anything about you.

Mario Bencivenga (29:36.96)
Yeah, I would totally agree with that.

Jane (29:40.372)
Yeah. What are your thoughts about this whole sober curious movement and the idea of, you know, people really looking at their relationship with alcohol and you don't necessarily have to have hit rock bottom or had a major problem to start looking at reducing or quitting drinking? What are your thoughts about that?

Mario Bencivenga (29:56.818)
Mm-hmm.

Mario Bencivenga (30:02.78)
think it's great. think it allows people to kind of take more responsibility with themselves when it comes to self-awareness. You know, to not admit, I mean, not to say that everybody has a problem, but you know, to check in with themselves and say like, listen, was what I'm doing good for me. Is it affecting me negatively? You know, I think when people check in with themselves just...

and not even just with alcohol consumption. It allows people to become more calmer and kind of reset and just more patient. You the world would be a lot easier if people would just give themselves a couple minutes to breathe, relax, and go forward. So I'm 100 % all for this movement.

Jane (30:52.416)
That's so true.

Yeah. And I think it highlights the issue that our culture in a broader sense has this idea that

alcohol has to be ruining your life in order to give it up. And then it's like, why? Why are we so attached to this toxin being a part of all of our social events?

Mario Bencivenga (31:20.722)
You know, it's interesting. saw somebody, heard somebody speak about alcohol and they said, nobody asks you why you drink. Everybody asks why you don't Right? I was like, damn, that's true. Cause if you ask somebody, why are you drinking? People get defensive, you know,

Jane (31:34.784)
That is an amazing point.

Yeah.

Jane (31:48.594)
Right. It's like, it's just understood that everybody drinks unless you have a reason not to.

Mario Bencivenga (31:50.84)
Alright.

Jane (31:59.72)
Yeah. And I think that I don't know what it's like on Long Island or in New York, but here in Dallas, I feel like it's getting slightly better. Like there is a conversation that some people might want to mocktail or some people maybe are taking a break or doing sober October or dry January or whatever. And I love that.

Mario Bencivenga (32:23.026)
Yeah, that's it's I would say it's definitely more common in the city right now. New York City's got some sober bars opening up. The Long Island's taking a little bit more time, which is OK. You know, push push it along. And I would definitely say there's more options in the city. Yeah. Yeah.

Jane (32:45.812)
Yeah. Well, and I think it's important for you, know, being in Long Island, like you, you can make a huge impact there. Like cultural shifts. If you look at history, they always begin with grassroots movements and one or two people starting to speak out in a counter-cultural way. And it takes a lot of courage to do that because there are going to be people who disagree and who are critical and

you know, people who reject you, but there's also going to be people who are really ready to hear another view or another way of living.

Mario Bencivenga (33:26.086)
Yeah. And those are the people I want to reach with podcasts and I'm working on a book right now and that should be out next year at some point. But, you know, I want people to discuss this. So it's actually it's a poetry slash narrative. It's basically about my life and my relationship with alcohol and

Jane (33:42.324)
What kind of books?

Mario Bencivenga (33:55.858)
I use, it's not all poems, but I put poems in it to give it some flavor and, you know, differentiation. But the coolest thing that I'm excited for people to read is the raw energy of it. I don't leave a lot, you know, left on the table. It's all there. You know.

Jane (34:21.76)
Hey, so the good, the bad, the ugly, like you're sharing the details that are probably really hard for you to share, but also, you know, when we share those details, the shame is alleviated for you and for others, really.

Mario Bencivenga (34:26.334)
Exactly.

Mario Bencivenga (34:37.98)
Mm hmm. Yeah.

Yeah, I want people to read it and say, know, if I'm going through, say they're going through something that I went through or, you know, I want them to read it and like, okay, Mara got through it. I can get through it too. Because that's what I did with people. Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue is one of my big sober heroes because he is so outspoken and he's got a great...

couple of books about it. You know, and that's, that's, want to be like him, you know.

Jane (35:16.99)
Yeah, be a light for others and someone who can provide hope for others and help them realize they're not alone.

Mario Bencivenga (35:26.418)
Absolutely, that's now and ahead.

Jane (35:30.435)
So right now as you're kind of writing your book and kind of figuring out how to reach more people and share your story and come alongside them, are you on Instagram or how can people connect with you?

Mario Bencivenga (35:44.786)
So I have a mental health and addiction Instagram page. It's called Stay Clean 365. And I post daily motivational reminders, mental health check-ins, thoughts from me. And I'm always welcome to hearing people who have one of

Jane (35:56.0)
Bye.

Mario Bencivenga (36:14.546)
you know, share their voice and talk and who ask for help. you know, I'm always around to talk to people too. you know.

Jane (36:24.752)
Awesome. So speaking of mental health, you know, a lot of times people drink alcohol because it's really good in the short term of numbing those feelings. Like you said, a lot of that pain, you just kind of shoved down and locked it away and then drink alcohol and it makes it easy to forget about it in the moment. But the next day, usually it's there, but 10 times worse and

Mario Bencivenga (36:32.741)
people drink alcohol.

Mario Bencivenga (36:45.543)
Thank

Jane (36:53.822)
You know, even research studies show that people who drink regularly, even light to moderate drinkers who consume alcohol on a weekly basis have a lower than baseline mood and a higher than baseline level of anxiety. So I'm curious, you've been sober for what, about eight or nine months, is that right?

Mario Bencivenga (37:16.006)
Yeah, almost almost 10 months. Yeah.

Jane (37:18.388)
Almost 10 months. Okay. And what have you noticed as far as just managing mental health symptoms like your mood and your anxiety level and that sort of thing?

Mario Bencivenga (37:30.094)
Life has gotten so much more manageable. know, myself, my mental health has gotten so much, not easier, but easier to deal with. Because my head's clear. And I can actually think and process things instead of numbing and running.

I

Jane (37:52.845)
So it's not that life becomes perfect all of a sudden. Like the down days and the anxious times will happen, but they feel like something that's not overwhelming, like something that you can manage and that you can get through. even I would imagine like maybe even the way you talk to yourself has changed.

Mario Bencivenga (38:15.324)
Yeah, actually before this podcast, did a, I usually do them in the morning, but I take walks, you know, and they're just like mental check in walks. I, people might think I'm crazy, but I literally talk to myself while I'm on these walks. So, but I need it. It helps me.

Jane (38:36.158)
Yeah, I mean, I think it's important to befriend ourselves and to nurture ourselves and be kind to ourselves just like we would our friends.

Mario Bencivenga (38:44.868)
Yeah, you got to be your best supporter, wingman, friend, know, anything. Self-love is a major key and I did not have it for a while and now I do.

Jane (39:01.56)
So before you quit drinking in your drinking days and you kind of had those periods where you would drink, you'd quit for a couple of weeks and then you'd start drinking again. Did you, did you think it was possible that life would feel easier, that you would feel better, that it would be more manageable?

Mario Bencivenga (39:02.162)
number four.

Mario Bencivenga (39:24.53)
I didn't want to think it. Sometimes the thoughts would pop in like maybe I should stop, it would be easier to not drink. But then my head would go to, then you have to think about X, Y, and Z. Shit, I don't want to do that.

Jane (39:49.707)
Yeah, it's like almost like it's in the moment it feels easier to just stick your head in the sand and avoid reality than to face it because it's messy and scary and can feel overwhelming.

Mario Bencivenga (40:03.814)
Yeah. Yeah.

Jane (40:07.136)
Yeah.

Well, if there's anyone out here listening and people who can relate to your story, but they're not sure where to begin or if they should even look at their relationship with alcohol, any advice you have or anything that was helpful to you that you'd like to share with others.

Mario Bencivenga (40:33.042)
It's hard. Life is hard. and I, there's this thing that I saw, it's called choose your hard You know, you could be sober and you can deal with your issues, those uncomfortable, painful memories, those traumas. But in the long run, it's worth it. You have clarity, you feel better, your relationships are better.

Etc. Or and that and that's hard by the way, that's not easy or you can go down the other road of continue to use abuse yourself Lose, you know, whatever is important to you and That's hard so you have to ask yourself, you know choose your hard

Jane (41:29.862)
Yeah, both options are hard, but with one, there is just such a huge potential for joy and peace and really like living life the way life was meant to be lived.

Mario Bencivenga (41:30.226)
Yeah.

Mario Bencivenga (41:48.198)
Yeah, it requires maintenance, everything in life that's worth it really doesn't come easy.

Jane (41:48.244)
Yeah, that's beautiful.

Jane (41:59.092)
Yeah, it takes work and it takes discomfort, but it's worth it.

Jane (42:08.276)
Well, Mario, thank you so much for coming on and having the courage to share your story and put yourself out there, you know, on a global platform where people are going to be hearing your words all around the world. And that's hard, but it's also so satisfying. And just knowing that there's people out there that you'll probably never meet or even know about, but who can resonate with what you're saying and feel a sense of hope.

So thank you so much.

Mario Bencivenga (42:40.742)
Thank you for having me, Jane. This has been one of the greatest experiences I've had since I got sober. And I just, I look forward to helping as many people as I can.

Jane (42:53.28)
That's awesome. And when your book comes out, you'll have to come back on and tell us all about it.

Mario Bencivenga (43:00.422)
Absolutely.

Jane (43:02.138)
All right. Thank you, Mario.

Mario Bencivenga (43:04.86)
Thanks, Jane.