S1 E36 The Real Sober Stories with Ashlee Roberts: Stepping Into Her Power Through Elective Sobriety

Jane (00:00.964)
Hello, hello and welcome to another episode of mindful sobriety, the podcast. I'm so glad you're joining us today for a special guest. Today we have Ashley Roberts here and she is going to share a little bit about her story and what she's doing in the alcohol free space. So I'm just so excited to have you Ashley. Welcome.

Ashlee (00:25.486)
Yeah, thank you. Thanks for having me, Jane. I've been really enjoying your podcast, so this is really fun for me.

Jane (00:28.352)
Yes.

Jane (00:32.93)
Well, thank you. Yeah. Well, let's just jump right in. Maybe tell me a little bit about who you are, where you are in the world and kind of why you're interested in the alcohol free movement.

Ashlee (00:46.554)
Okay, yeah. So I am in Salt Lake City, Utah. Well, I live just outside of Salt Lake City. Born and raised in Utah. I'm a small town girl. And I married my husband and I just celebrated our 10 year anniversary. We have two children. And yeah, I've been working in healthcare for the last 20 years.

Jane (01:14.756)
It's a long time.

Ashlee (01:15.238)
And yeah, yeah. And just kind of getting into the alcohol -free world in the last few years, it's really been kind of a journey, I would say over the last seven years. And kind of started with having my daughter. And yeah, just kind of moving into, you know, mindful drinking until this year I finally decided to...

go all in and give myself a sober chapter. for me, it felt scary to say I was removing alcohol forever. And so I decided to on my 39th birthday, just this last December, to just say, I'm doing a year of no alcohol and we're gonna see how this goes. It's gonna be kind of an experiment.

Jane (01:52.056)
Mm -hmm

Ashlee (02:08.334)
But I've just been feeling really called to remove alcohol and got tired of the back and forth and the lot, you know, taking breaks. And so it was nice once I decided to finally just say I'm going to take this year off. It was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I didn't have to worry about telling people if I was taking a break anymore.

And it's just opened up so much more free space for me to focus on some other areas of my life that I was feeling a little unsettled in.

Jane (02:44.044)
Yeah, that's interesting. Like that feeling of like a weight being lifted. I had the same experience. It's just, it's almost like you don't realize how much energy goes into the decision making around it until you're free from that. And then it's like, wow, everything is so simple now. There's so much consistency and there's not this back and forth.

Ashlee (03:10.166)
Yeah, I, and you know, I didn't realize how much mental space it was taking off until I told everybody and it was like, okay, now I don't have to look at the month ahead and decide, you know, plan on hangovers or, you know, play the mental gymnastics of how many drinks am I going to have tonight so that I can do the things that I need to get done tomorrow. It's like just completely removing that just, it feels so freeing and

It's been able, I've been able to get in touch and get a little bit more clarity about what my values are. And, you know, my health, mind, body and soul are top value of mine. So I'm no longer playing this like.

Jane (03:45.614)
Mm -hmm.

Ashlee (03:55.95)
game of cognitive dissonance where I'm drinking on weekends and then, you know, the effects of the alcohol are lingering with me for days as I detox and try to be a little bit more conscious and mindful about what I'm putting into my body during the week.

Jane (04:12.63)
Mm -hmm. Well, I'm curious what drinking was like for you early on in your life, kind of when that was introduced to you, what it was like for you culturally, and just what messages you grew up around.

Ashlee (04:30.311)
Yeah, so my parents drank when I was little. wasn't alcohol wasn't really an issue in my home. It was around I knew, you know, my parents, my dad drink beer. My mom didn't really drink when I was little.

But you know, it was it was around and I remember being little and kind of sneaking in the cupboard to like smell the whiskey or you know They had a liquor cabinet that they would touch every once in a while, but I remember Going in and like even sticking my finger in and tasting it, you know to see what it tasted like And then I think so around 15 was probably the first time that I got drunk

Jane (05:05.835)
Yeah.

Ashlee (05:15.928)
I went to a friend's house and we, I remember going in her bedroom and she pulled out a bottle of vodka and had some orange juice. And we just sat in her room and drank and just got drunk until we passed out and just completely numb. But yeah, I started to...

you know, in high school and stuff, I started dating older guys and, you know, kind of being around them and their friends and they all drank. And it really helped me to feel less shy and kind of broke me out of my shell. I was really kind of an introvert. My parents got divorced when I was in fifth grade and my relationship with my mother started to really, we started to really struggle.

Jane (05:46.628)
Mm -hmm.

Ashlee (06:03.788)
And that led to me moving in with my dad in high school. But yeah, drinking just started to, you know, started to become part of my life as a teenager. And like I said, I felt like it really helped me to kind of break out of my shell and just feel more comfortable around people.

Jane (06:23.054)
Yes, yeah, I had the same experience. It's like that feeling of being inhibited in social situations just kind of magically evaporates when you have a drink.

Ashlee (06:35.99)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. So and it was, know, what my friends were doing. And, you know, I was kind of part of that, that crowd, a group in a small town. So, you know, when your parents get divorced, you kind of start going, okay, you start evaluating who your friends are, feeling more comfortable with the friends and the people that are kind of like in your same situation, maybe with broken homes.

Jane (07:00.196)
Mm -hmm.

Ashlee (07:00.911)
And those are the kids that are typically, you know, testing things and, you know, drinking it early.

Jane (07:04.898)
Yeah. Yeah. And maybe have, you know, less, maybe there's less supervision or the parents don't agree on what the boundaries are and stuff slips through the cracks. Yeah.

Ashlee (07:16.77)
Exactly. Yeah, I remember just, you know, at the time before I had, you know, when I was still living with my mom and she was going to the bar a lot. So our, my house was kind of the hangout, like we could, you know, hang out. She wasn't really there. And so, yeah, there was, you know, parents not around. We had a lot of freedom.

Jane (07:42.918)
Did you have siblings or was it just you?

Ashlee (07:46.84)
I had siblings, have a younger brother and sister. yeah, so they were kind of doing their thing too. And we were just, you know, kids and trying to survive and live in our own worlds. Like I didn't really know what was going on in my sister's world or my brother's, but I just was trying to, you know, figure out my world and yeah.

Jane (08:01.304)
Yes.

Jane (08:09.111)
manage your own world.

Ashlee (08:13.624)
Yeah, so they eventually, I moved in with my dad in 10th grade and then they eventually ended up coming over as well. My dad was a little more strict. He had more rules and more boundaries, which I craved as a kid, I needed. But yeah, and so it just, you know, there was some things with alcohol in high school and, you know, some fights with my mother and, you know, her and I didn't talk a lot throughout my high school. So.

Jane (08:25.528)
Yeah.

Jane (08:41.38)
That'd so hard.

Ashlee (08:44.172)
It was, yeah. Yeah, so a lot of food.

Jane (08:46.028)
Yeah. And as the oldest sibling, you're kind of out there on your own some too, you know, as you're going through each developmental stage first.

Ashlee (08:56.42)
Right, yeah, yeah, exactly. So a lot of my alcohol -free journey, and I didn't realize that this was going to happen, but I started doing a lot of inner child work as soon as I removed alcohol and said I was gonna take this break. All of a sudden, I was noticing that I was wanting to get more in touch with that teenage girl, that girl that needed a mom, I needed love and support.

Jane (09:20.932)
Yes.

someone to nurture her and tell her everything's gonna be okay.

Ashlee (09:28.088)
Right. Yes. And also just a big part of removing alcohol for me was because I had a huge belief that alcohol made me fun and fun to be around. It was like, okay, I know before I started drinking, I was a kid, you know, and I used to have fun and I used to be fun. And so I need to get back in touch with that girl. And what did she like to do? And, know, who was she?

Jane (09:53.592)
Yes.

Like somehow she managed to have fun and be fun and have friends and alcohol was not given a thought.

Ashlee (09:57.204)
And.

Ashlee (10:01.412)
Right.

Ashlee (10:04.826)
Exactly. Yeah, so it's just getting in touch with that girl and making a list of things that I used to do. And I used to love dance and, you know, trying to things like that, like bringing that back into my life a little bit more. The stuff that I used to do before alcohol became the main thing for fun.

Jane (10:23.184)
Yeah, I love that. So you grew up and then tell me a little bit about kind of young adult years.

Ashlee (10:34.01)
Okay, so young adult years. Well, I got married really young. I got married when I was, I think I was 19 to my high school boyfriend. And yeah, and, you know, I was going to college, but there was still a lot of like partying on the weekends. There was always people at our apartment. So it was a real struggle for me to study and be I was always tempted by the party, you know, and

Jane (10:44.726)
Ow.

Jane (11:01.528)
Yes.

Ashlee (11:02.746)
So it was a challenge, but I got through it. I'm a hard worker and I got good grades through college. I got accepted into the radiology program at the college I was at, which was a really competitive program to get into. But my marriage only lasted a couple of years and it was, so we got divorced. And I just kind of took that as a,

I'm going to, I'm kind of broke free from that. And I moved to Salt Lake, which was the big city, you know, compared to what I'm used to. And I had an internship here and I was still kind of tempted by the party. I was going to my internship and I had a part -time job at the time, but I was drinking a lot. was drinking usually Thursday through Sunday. I'm going

Jane (12:00.834)
Mm -hmm.

Ashlee (12:02.381)
you know clubs and that was

Jane (12:05.696)
of like that's that's the weekend for people in their 20s. It starts Wednesday or Thursday.

Ashlee (12:11.259)
Yes, and it was a priority for sure. And then Monday would hit and I would wake up with just this crippling anxiety from all the alcohol over the weekend. And at the time, you know, I wasn't going to look at the alcohol or the part like that wasn't the issue. And, you know, I remember times waking up and just having so much anxiety to go to my internship.

and taking, I was taking anti -anxiety medication and Adderall to study. And so it was just like everything was, it was all just kind

Jane (12:51.182)
like this fine balance of trying to get your brain chemistry right.

Ashlee (12:56.956)
Yeah, yeah, so

Jane (12:58.678)
And I really, think like back then people didn't realize how much anxiety is linked to alcohol use and like being hung over. Like that causes terrible anxiety. You know, the term anxiety wasn't even a thing till relatively recently.

Ashlee (13:19.298)
Right, yeah, and learning what I know now about cortisol levels and how drinking affects your REM sleep, you know, and it's, and you feel the effects of that because you feel like it takes you days to catch up on your sleep.

Jane (13:28.311)
Yes.

Jane (13:34.596)
Yes, yes, even if you sleep for 10 hours, you wake up exhausted.

Ashlee (13:42.66)
Right. Yeah. So I was kind of just doing the whole, you know, partying. Yeah. Being in my twenties. and then I ended up, I had, I kind of went through a couple of different relationships that were bad. but, I, I had a board exam that I had to take for, I was at the time an intern in radiation therapy. It was going to be a radiation therapist and I ended up failing my board exam.

And instead of like, okay, I really need to study while this is all fresh in my mind and retake that thing and get into it. I made priority and my relationships a, you know, more of a priority over that. at the time, now, when I look back, I can see that I was upper limiting myself.

Jane (14:35.937)
Mm -hmm. Yeah, tell me more about that. For listeners who maybe haven't heard that term, you tell me a little bit about the upper limit and that sort of thing?

Ashlee (14:37.856)
I just never lose my words.

Ashlee (14:50.338)
Yeah, so it's Gay Hendrix, the big leap is the book, but he talks about upper limiting and how, you know, we all have this kind of thermostat inside of us that tells us, you know, what we feel we're worth or what we deserve. And when you hit that thermostat of where it's like, okay, we're getting to this limit of what I feel like I deserve in my life, then you sabotage or do something that

you know, we'll just totally interrupt that process. Yeah.

Jane (15:21.54)
keeps you there. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that that thermostat can be shaped by so many things. But when you look at people who go through like adverse childhood experiences and really who doesn't get through childhood with something hard, you know, I think as children, we internalize those things to mean something more about us than they do about the external environment. And maybe that's part of where our upper limit comes from.

Ashlee (15:48.825)
Yes.

yeah. Yeah. So, you know, finally, I think I was 27 and my parents were like, all right, you need to get in therapy. Like, you know, so I finally got in to see a therapist and discovered I had an amazing therapist at the time. And I remember spending just an entire summer to myself. I wasn't, you know, going to really date anybody. I was just going to really focus on me for for the first time and forever.

Jane (16:01.144)
Hahaha

Jane (16:20.056)
Yeah.

Ashlee (16:20.539)
and just really fell in love with the world of therapy and self -care and personal development and growth.

Jane (16:29.016)
Yeah, so something really struck a chord with you about that, like something about coming back to yourself and going within and attending to those things and validating the need for that.

Ashlee (16:38.361)
Yeah.

Ashlee (16:43.032)
Yeah, I started journaling more and things started happening, like good things started happening. And so it was like a correlation in me realizing that focusing on myself and working on what is it that is keeping me in these unhealthy patterns and relationships and.

you know, settling in my job type of a thing to, yeah, just, it really was eye opening and I really, really enjoyed it. And then I met my husband and I just, it's like, if I hadn't gone through that summer and started therapy, I don't think I would have given him the time of day. Yeah. Yeah. Cause he's just such a good guy. I just didn't feel like I deserved that. You know, it was just, I was.

Jane (17:27.042)
Really?

Jane (17:33.824)
Yeah, you would have upper limited yourself with that too. Like he's too stable or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it really did change the trajectory of your life.

Ashlee (17:39.022)
Mm -hmm. Yeah, I always push the good guys away. Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Ashlee (17:49.42)
It did, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, so I've always touched a therapist. I've always been really good about checking in and my husband and I have a therapist that we see together that we check in with as well.

Jane (17:51.426)
Yeah, yeah. And so.

Jane (18:05.528)
I think that's so important just to keep communication open and to actually prioritize a regular time, even if it's like once every six months, but just like a checkup for your marriage to sit down and communicate about what's going well, what's not going well, what do we need right now from each other?

Ashlee (18:21.494)
Mm -hmm. Yes, yes. you know, last year we were checking in with our therapist and, you know, we rarely have fights. Like in a year, I could probably count on one hand, you know, the really bad arguments or fights. And my therapist pointed out, you know, I'm noticing a common theme in some of these more, you know, serious fights and it's alcohol.

And I was like, you're right. Like, you know, and she explained to us how when you're drinking, you're not picking up on each other's cues that like, Hey, you're offending me right now. You're pissing me off. Stop. And, and then it would just end up in a blow, you know, blow it fight that was like, probably could have been avoided if we hadn't been inebriated.

Jane (19:02.656)
Yeah.

Jane (19:12.62)
Yeah, yeah, if you hadn't had alcohol in your system, the fight wouldn't have happened.

Ashlee (19:19.295)
Right. Yeah. So, so yeah, so part of it is removing alcohol just to, you know, avoid things like that in my marriage. You know, when I told him I was going to be removing alcohol, I don't think he knew how serious I was about it. And so that's been something we've had to work through because it's a part, it's been such a big part of, you know, our relationship.

Jane (19:45.858)
Yeah, like meeting and dating and date nights and socializing.

Ashlee (19:48.054)
And I think that

Yeah, exactly. And we love to go to concerts and stuff like that. And it's always, there's always drinking there. But I think the fear was, and we talked about this when I remember alcohol, the fear is, if you're not growing together, you're growing apart.

And so it's like, if I'm removing alcohol and he's not, then the fear is that we're going to grow apart. And so we've had to, I've had to consciously just, you know, decide not to make that the focus that, you know, that we're going to grow apart.

Jane (20:16.482)
Mm -hmm.

Jane (20:24.899)
Yeah.

Ashlee (20:27.15)
let's look at ways that this is actually gonna help our marriage and help us connect. And so I've been, you know, a little bit more curious about that. And that's where I've decided to turn my focus towards instead of the fear that this thing, me removing alcohol is going to make us grow apart.

Jane (20:46.698)
Yeah, and you know, we think that alcohol helps us connect with people, but I think that it actually does the opposite. Like how, one, how authentic are those connections? And two, just conflict. You know, look how much conflict happens that would never happen if people hadn't been drinking or people make decisions that feel like a betrayal to their spouse, you know, because they just.

don't have their prefrontal cortex all on board, we're much more likely to do things out of character that then lead to disconnection. so, like really challenging that idea that alcohol was helping you grow together could be helpful.

Ashlee (21:36.034)
Yeah, yeah, and I think in a way it's helped me to connect with myself more and my body more and my confidence. And it's like, it feels sexy and that spills over into the bedroom, you know, and he was seeing that and he was like, who is this person? And I'm like, I don't know. This is just crazy. This is, you know, stuff that like even drunk I would be uncomfortable doing.

Jane (21:52.098)
Yes.

Jane (21:56.878)
Yeah.

Jane (22:02.05)
This

Jane (22:05.29)
Yes, yeah. And so yeah, I think that's a great point. Like you just never know what it's gonna be like. You might be surprised with like your authentic self, your alcohol -free self.

Ashlee (22:20.014)
Yeah, yeah, it's been really fun to just kind of learn more about myself and gain more confidence in myself that way for sure.

Jane (22:29.656)
Yes. So you mentioned earlier that about seven years ago is when you first started kind of looking at your relationship with alcohol or considering periods of sobriety. Can you talk a little bit about

Ashlee (22:45.688)
Yeah, so, I mean, having my daughter and just noticing the guilt and shame that I would carry after drinking too much the night before and not being able to play with her when she was little started to really weigh on me.

I started to kind of get more into mindfulness. remember it was in 2020 and I was, had a session with my therapist and she told me to read the miracle of mindfulness. And, and so just, you know, thinking more consciously and, and then I read the book, Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker.

Jane (23:29.175)
Yes.

Ashlee (23:30.89)
And it was actually a book club. It was in my book club that we read that. And so I was reading all these

Jane (23:35.126)
Wow, that's brave for your book club.

Ashlee (23:39.204)
yeah, we were reading books that were really challenging and allowing us to expand and getting together and discussing them.

When I told my therapist that she was like, Ashley, wow, what do you realize what's happening? Like this is big. Like, you you're really expanding. And they said, I know it's, it's amazing. And I was loving it. And I was just loving the reading and the getting together and talking about it and our different opinions on everything.

Jane (23:59.449)
Yeah.

Ashlee (24:10.414)
That book really, I loved how it talked about the alcohol industry and how it targets women. And that just got my brain churning, you know, and just being like, I want to take back my power and my control over this.

Jane (24:20.32)
Yes.

Jane (24:26.134)
Right, and just the irony that we are drinking to empower ourselves and as a symbol of our ability to do everything that a man does, yet it actually disempowers us, know, it puts us at risk in so many ways, you know, our own health and our ability to trust ourselves and our ability to keep ourselves safe in public places and.

Ashlee (24:51.512)
Yeah, absolutely. Yes. So yeah, just, you know, reading that book, and then I went on a spiritual retreat with all my girlfriends. We, I was introduced to tapping and breath work and coming home from that trip, I was like, I'm, I wanted to dive deeper into that to the work. And it just started to

Jane (25:18.382)
There's something about retreats, like getting away outside of your everyday life and really looking at yourself and learning new healing practices that can be so transformational. You know, it plants these seeds where you want to keep going.

Ashlee (25:38.99)
Yes. Yeah, you get home and you're on just this high. And I mean, it was hard. It was deep work and I was exhausted, you know, getting home, but I got a taste for it for sure. And just started looking at my relationship with alcohol more and how it was really going against everything that I was working for, you know, and it just, even though I was doing all this work and this, you know, self

development, it felt like alcohol was keeping me stuck in these patterns and keeping me comfortable, really. And I was getting bored with it. I was like, I just, I don't know, I feel like I need to switch things up. Like things need to, you know, I just, I was too, feeling too comfortable, really. And then,

Jane (26:19.332)
Mm -hmm.

Jane (26:23.758)
Yeah.

Ashlee (26:32.571)
Let's see. So and then my mother ended up having some health issues So we can kind of get into that and and it was related to alcohol as well And that was eye -opening for me

Jane (26:40.632)
Yeah.

Jane (26:45.474)
Yeah, what happened?

Ashlee (26:49.67)
So she started just her health started declining and I remember she was hospitalized and they did a bunch of tests but doctors couldn't really figure out what was going on. At one point they thought she was having a heart attack and they life flighted her to a bigger sea. And so she came here to Salt Lake. She was living at the time in Wyoming. And so she was life flighted here to the hospital that I actually work at.

Jane (27:05.72)
That's so scary.

Jane (27:18.445)
Wow.

Ashlee (27:19.22)
And they got her here. They did a bunch of more tests. Couldn't figure out what was going on with her body. Just there was no answers. And they got her feeling good and got her feeling good enough to go home. And then she just still, like there was still something going on in her body. And

I remember getting a phone call and the person told me that your mom, something's not right. Something's off with her. She hasn't been getting ready all week. She's not getting dressed. She's not brushing her teeth. So, you my mom was young. She's like 51 years old at the time. Yeah, and she owned a restaurant and she lived above the restaurant. So she's, you know, supposed to be managing this restaurant.

Jane (27:58.56)
Yeah, it's very young.

Ashlee (28:09.21)
so when I got there and I saw her and the condition that she was in, it was really terrifying. It was, it was in my mind, it looked like someone who was possibly having a mental breakdown or, you know, I just was like, this is scary. you know, we get her, get her put together, get her into my car and

Jane (28:21.347)
Yeah.

Ashlee (28:31.978)
I just remember feeling so relieved when I got her through the ER door here in Salt Lake and got her back there to see a doctor. And they're asking her questions and she couldn't remember what year it was, who the president was, what her birth date was. And so then I started going, is this early Alzheimer's? She has no memory. And yes.

Jane (28:51.425)
Wow.

Jane (28:58.157)
Yeah, like she's disoriented.

Ashlee (29:02.038)
And so they did a lot more tests. They did a spinal tap on her. Still nothing, still no answers of what's going on. They admitted her and I started noticing that they were asking questions about her alcohol and what she liked to drink and how often she liked to drink. You know, she had access to alcohol. She owned a restaurant. They had a bar in the restaurant. So

You know, so she was drinking a lot at the time, but you know, when I look back and we talked about my childhood, she didn't really drink when I was little. She really didn't start drinking heavily until she was in her 30s. And so, yeah, so just noticing them asking her about alcohol and then having a neurologist pull me aside to show me her MRI, her brain MRI.

Jane (29:59.995)
huh.

Ashlee (30:00.174)
And he was showing me areas of her brain that had space in them where matter should be. Her brain was smaller than it should be. And he said, these are signs of Wernicke's encephalopathy. And this is something that we see in people who who heavily drink alcohol.

Jane (30:25.667)
Yeah.

Ashlee (30:26.466)
And so this was new to me. never thought about this.

Jane (30:28.13)
That must... Yes, you must have just been in complete shock.

Ashlee (30:35.031)
Yeah, I mean I was in shock but I was also relieved that we were getting answers and figuring out what it was and then at that point it was like okay what do we do? How do we help her and get her memory back and is she gonna recover? know, because in our brains we were going is she gonna need to be in a home? And what is her life gonna be looking like?

Jane (30:40.45)
Mm -hmm.

Jane (30:54.306)
Yeah.

Ashlee (30:59.436)
So the way that he explained it to me was the alcohol, you're not able to absorb vitamin B1 when you're drinking alcohol and that is thiamine. so essentially the treatment was just to pump her full of thiamine and they got her feeling better and her shoes coming back

And they got her to a place where she was good enough to leave the hospital, but it still took her a long time to feel good again. And she's still, I mean, it's just always going to be with her, you know, but fortunately she's able to live on her own and manage this, but she does have to take B1 every single day now as part of She.

Jane (31:40.046)
Yeah.

Jane (31:49.592)
Yeah, is she sober?

Ashlee (31:54.69)
is not. She takes long breaks now, like longer than she's ever been able to in the past, but she does still struggle with drinking. And so her and I talk about it and she'll, you know, she'll have a slip up and she'll call me and we'll talk through it. And so, you know, me going on this alcohol -free journey, a big part of that is

Jane (31:55.992)
Okay.

Ashlee (32:21.642)
now I'm seeing that it's helping her and I connect and heal our relationship in a weird way. It's like we're connecting over both of it. You know, we just, we both talk about alcohol in the same way now. And she talks about how it's just so frustrating and you know, that it's just not good for you. It's not good for your body. But yeah, she's still, yeah.

Jane (32:29.571)
Yeah.

Jane (32:43.49)
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's not.

Ashlee (32:49.646)
Yeah, so she's still, but she's, she's doing so good and I'm just cheering for her and just here for her in a way, you know, trying to be here for her in a way that's just non -judgmental and, you know, supporting her and yeah, because it's been, you know, it's just such a hard thing. It's such a, it's a huge lifestyle change. And when all of your friends do that and you go out, it just, it's hard to be the only one not drinking.

Jane (33:00.558)
compassionate.

Jane (33:09.099)
It is.

Jane (33:16.224)
Mm -hmm. It really is. And I think that this is just occurring to me right now, but there's kind of like these two paths where people end up going alcohol -free. And I think one path is the rock bottom path where things have just fallen apart and something terrible has happened or there's been a health issue or a loss. And then I think the other path is that people...

begin to transcend their upper limit in terms of their wellness with their body and their mind and their spirit and they almost grow out of it. And I think that you had that path and I think I had that path and I think more and more people are taking that path. And I think that living alcohol free feels different in that path. It doesn't feel like a loss, but I think that with the rock bottom path,

it takes longer to not view it as a loss, you know, because you're starting at a place where you're not already in this space of, you know, feeling inspired and feeling peace and feeling where you really love yourself, you know, like I had to realize that I like me. And if people don't think I'm fine without alcohol or they don't want to hang out with me, yes, that hurts.

Ashlee (34:14.594)
Yeah.

Jane (34:41.582)
but it's okay because I like who I am. I like my authentic self better than my intoxicated self. And so you're just, it's just a different perspective. And so I think people who have the rock bottom route, I think they can get there and they will get there with consistency. It's just, it's a longer, harder path.

Ashlee (35:06.744)
Yeah, yeah, that's, yeah, I think you're exactly right. And I think it, for them, maybe it feels like they're not, they're being forced to choose it instead of their, yeah. And where people like us who didn't, it's not like I felt like I really had a problem with alcohol.

Jane (35:17.035)
Mm -hmm. It's like a life or

Ashlee (35:27.21)
I was, I didn't get angry or mean with people. I was really fun and I moderated well, but it definitely feels different when you're choosing to remove it instead of it's like, I have this problem so I have to remove it.

Jane (35:43.394)
Right, it's like it is a problematic substance and I don't want to keep putting it in my body because I feel so good.

Ashlee (35:51.426)
Right. Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly right. When I told my therapist in January, my decision, you know, she just was like, do you realize you're having an awakening? is an awakening. And I'm like, yeah, I guess. So, you know, I just, I think part of me wants to get more in touch with my spirituality and my intuition and my guidance. And

Jane (35:52.918)
Yeah.

Jane (36:04.354)
Yes!

Ashlee (36:21.194)
you know, I've just lost all of that along the way.

Jane (36:23.958)
Yeah, I think that alcohol like kind of deadens that part of our soul that is awake to that. And when we take it away, we start noticing all the synchronicities going on in our environment. And we're just so much more open to seeing God work in the world and in our lives.

Ashlee (36:47.214)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah, yeah, gosh, I used to be just so turned off by that stuff too.

Jane (36:56.152)
religion or was it religion or was it like the woo -woo stuff

Ashlee (37:02.33)
Not so much the wulu stuff, but the religion stuff and even just the word God, you know, just I'm starting to get more open with you, like using God and praying to God and stuff like that. It's just, yeah, it just used to be, I was just very turned off by it.

Jane (37:21.08)
Yeah, and I think that a lot of us have associations and maybe even like some trauma from religion and religious institutions or groups that have hurt us. And we need to find our own language, you know?

Ashlee (37:35.982)
Mm

Ashlee (37:40.428)
Yes. Yeah, absolutely. So yeah, I've kind of eased into it with, you know, source and it's like, okay, I think in my 20s, I was like, I think I'm an agnostic. And then now I'm like, no, there's a higher power and there's something, you know, and it's like, it's there. If you can just tap into it. And I think what you said about alcohol kind of numbing you to, you know, that part of your soul is, is so true.

Jane (38:09.612)
Yes, yeah, yeah. And it's like that craving that we have for connection with the source of all creation and the source of love and life. I feel like we sometimes, if you're drinking,

you kind of satiate that need with alcohol. Whereas if alcohol is no longer in your life, you look for other ways to truly feel connected to God or the universe or the source of, yeah.

Ashlee (38:42.458)
Yeah, yeah, you start to find joy and just the little things again and you know after you've gone so I'm seven months in no alcohol which to me I mean it's like that's not it doesn't look very long but to me that feels so long because for somebody who's had it as a pretty constant for almost 25 years you know seven months is a long time but

Jane (39:00.844)
Yeah.

Jane (39:07.192)
Yeah, it's a long time. If it's a weekly fixture in your life for years and years, that's a long time.

Ashlee (39:12.43)
Wow. Yeah, but what I've learned is I'm starting to just find this like deep joy in my morning routine and meditation. And I like to get my morning tea and go walk out barefoot in the grass now and go sit by with the creek in my backyard. And just like that's what lights me up now.

I look forward to, I used to say I wasn't a morning person and since removing alcohol, I've become a morning person now. I'm setting my alarm earlier to get up early so that can get that morning routine in. So I can connect with myself first and it's important for me to get that time in. It sets my day up. I just feel more relaxed and calm and just happier.

Jane (39:52.386)
Yes.

Jane (40:05.006)
Like that sense of peace and feeling like more awake to just what a gift it is to be alive, you know? To get to wake up and take care of kids or go to work or whatever the case may be.

Ashlee (40:22.179)
Right. Yeah. And it's like not to say that I don't still have bad days or bad days that I'm feeling grumpy or, you know, if I don't get my morning routine in it's, you know, it, but what I'm seeing now is I'm starting to look at those days or those moments and kind of getting more curious and wanting to figure them out quicker. And instead of kind of marinating on them for long and it's like,

you know, working through them and just realizing that that's just all part of being human.

Jane (40:52.162)
Yes, absolutely. Well, tell me a little bit about kind of your plans with coaching. I know that's something that you are working on right now. You have some things in the works. I'd love to hear a little bit about

Ashlee (41:09.946)
Yeah, so as I said, I've been working in healthcare for almost 20 years. And in my career, I just, I kind of got to a place where I was feeling very unmotivated. But the part that I liked about my job was connecting with these women and holding space for them during difficult procedures and empowering them to get through them. So it was like, I knew I wanted to still be in

space of serving others and helping others. And so last year, I volunteered with a company here in Utah, it's called People Helping People, and I was a phase one coach. And I discovered that I really liked coaching and I was helping women build their resumes. And these were women that either haven't been in the workforce for a really long time or

were just having difficulty finding a job, but we were going over their resumes and their financial break evens these were difficult conversations. And I noticed that I was ending up, I was sensing a lot or seeing a lot of limiting beliefs that these women were.

telling me and I just didn't have the language to help or support them, but I just had this feeling that I wanted to be able to do more than just help them build this resume and get a job. It was like, there's something deeper here that these people need. And so I just realized that maybe coaching was something that I would be really passionate about.

Jane (42:34.34)
Mm -hmm.

Jane (42:38.552)
Yeah.

Jane (42:46.338)
Yes.

Ashlee (42:56.502)
And so this year, you know, working, you know, I got my own life coach and I was working with her and she really kind of helped to guide me along the right path to getting certified as a coach. And so I, you know, you're going to be five times certified and I'm really interested in like personal development coaching. And I think that the alcohol free coaching kind of goes along really well with that.

Because if someone is ready to run of alcohol, then they are ready to up level their life. And if they're feeling stuck or unmotivated like I was, that is where I want to be a support and a guide.

Jane (43:26.006)
Absolutely.

Jane (43:43.968)
Absolutely, I love that. And it's amazing, like just seven months of sobriety, not just seven months, but under a year and you're already doing so much.

Ashlee (43:44.708)
So, yeah, so I'm just.

Ashlee (43:58.318)
Yeah, it's just taken off. It's crazy how much I have to slow it. I find myself being like, okay, take a breath, slow down a little bit because I'm just so excited about it and just ready to get going with it. So I've kind of started just coaching friends and family to start practicing. But yeah, I'm...

Jane (44:12.81)
Yes.

Ashlee (44:23.317)
I'm going to be testing and getting certified here in the next month and then I'll be this fall is when I want to start, you know, taking on clients. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which has just been a whole, mean, it's just been, it's, pushed me to grow so much.

Jane (44:32.038)
Yeah, officially launch.

Ashlee (44:44.92)
you know, just starting my own thing. And it's just, it's so, so exciting. And it's the challenge I needed and just the passion that I needed back in my life.

Jane (44:57.848)
Yeah, yeah, like it's an outlet for channeling all the passion and like the inspiration that you have from your awakening.

Ashlee (45:09.474)
Right. and, know, discovering that a value of a huge value of mine is, is growth and development is it's like, this is coaching others and being in the space. I'm able to keep on learning and keep reading and, know, just it's like, it doesn't feel like work to me. And so yeah. Yeah. And, and I

Jane (45:29.624)
Yeah, it's satisfying.

Jane (45:34.956)
And what a gift to your daughters too. You have two daughters, right?

Ashlee (45:39.866)
I have one daughter, I have a stepson, but he is a little older, he's 19. So he's kind of doing his thing. He's actually living in Seattle right now doing summer cells. But yeah, my daughter's eight. And so yeah, it's been really cool to just kind of show her what mommy's doing and what she's up to. And yesterday, just yesterday, I was picking her up from a friend's she told her friend's mom, I had my scrubs on, I'm still working part time.

Jane (45:44.748)
Okay, okay.

Jane (45:51.031)
wow.

Ashlee (46:11.051)
in breast care, but she said my mom works at the hospital and she helps people with their lives. Yeah, yeah, I just think it's been a good example and also just, know, with the alcohol -free stuff showing her that, you know, once you, there's other options, once you become an adult, it's not

Jane (46:18.366)
I love that. I mean, what a beautiful way to say

Ashlee (46:36.504)
you that you just drink all the time. I realize I've already done a lot of programming there with her, but yeah, it's like showing her that you can make these different decisions for yourself and you don't just have to do what everybody else is doing because it's a silo norm.

Jane (46:38.733)
Right.

Jane (46:56.901)
Absolutely. And the programming you have done, like, it's probably going to influence her less than you're thinking. Like, I quit drinking almost two years ago. My kids were nine, six, and four. And the four -year -old and the six -year -old are, now they're nine and, no, now they're eight and five. What ages are they? Now they don't even remember that I ever drank. It's the weirdest thing. They have no memory of me drinking.

And I don't know that my 10 year old really does either. I don't know. And so kids are funny that way.

Ashlee (47:34.936)
Yeah, yeah, that's wild. mean, it was starting to bother me, would, which I'm still trying to figure this out because it's like the ritual of taking a shot with everybody. So I'm still like, pour me a shot of sparkling water because I want to still join in, right? And

Jane (47:36.779)
you

Jane (47:50.51)
Yeah.

Ashlee (47:52.126)
And with her, we were like pouring root beer, you know, and she was like, cheers. And so there was like so much programming going on, but it's like, I still think it's fun to cheers. And, know, we can just have something different in our glass.

Jane (47:57.963)
Yes.

Jane (48:07.082)
Absolutely, we can still celebrate connection in that way and have like a bubbly liquid in a pretty glass, you know? Why not?

Ashlee (48:12.9)
Mm -hmm. Yes, yes. Mm -hmm, yeah.

Jane (48:20.3)
And your husband, how is he doing now that you're seven months in?

Ashlee (48:27.042)
He's doing well. He I'm sure there's still a big part of him that just is really missing You know loose kind of You know tipsy Ashley

Jane (48:41.528)
Yeah.

Ashlee (48:42.73)
Before I quit drinking, he would say, you know, because I was doing breaks or not, he would say, are we getting fun Ashley tonight? you know, and so a big part of this is like proving to him that I'm still fun and, you know, we go out and I'm the one dancing and I'm trying to get him to dance. And so, you know, I think it's still, it's still, I mean, it's hard for him still. I think he's just, you know, and it's...

Jane (49:00.588)
Yeah.

Ashlee (49:10.562)
It's like he's missing that part of me and I can see that. But I think he also sees how happy I am and how things are just taking off for me. And so he's just so supportive. I'm so grateful for him because I think there's a lot of relationships out there where...

the spouse would probably really make it hard for the other person. And it's just easier to keep drinking because you don't want to rock the boat.

Jane (49:44.952)
Right.

Well, and maybe he's missing quote unquote fun Ashley, but he's getting like insightful, grounded, peaceful, inspired Ashley, you know? Like that's pretty good trade in my mind, you know? And maybe it will inspire him to do some of his own work. Not that he needs it, I mean, I don't know, he may not, but I think we can all use inner work, you know?

Ashlee (50:05.742)
Mm -hmm.

Ashlee (50:11.67)
Yeah.

Ashlee (50:17.076)
Yeah, yeah, totally. mean, I think he's, you know, guys are just a little different. They're different. They're just pretty, you know, what do you mean alcohol is not holding you back? Like, that's not, know, so yeah, I mean, we'll see how how it you know, I think I'm sure it definitely, you know, influences him a little bit. But he seems pretty confident with you know, he doesn't seem to be bothered by hangovers or drink like it doesn't doesn't get to him as much as it was me.

Jane (50:46.956)
Yeah, yeah, the older I got, the more it would impact my sleep or just, I just have a lower tolerance for not feeling good, I think.

Ashlee (50:57.524)
Yeah, me too. And I mean, I would go on trips with my friends and I would wake up and look around at them and just be like, how are you guys not feeling like death right now? You know, it just seems like it affected me more than my friends and the people around that or they were just hiding it better. Because I felt like I felt like I needed to just lay in bed all day and I didn't want my daughter around. didn't it's like I didn't want to ever be hung over.

Jane (51:07.48)
Yeah.

Jane (51:15.754)
Yeah, they just push through.

Ashlee (51:26.008)
like that in front of her. And so I would have to like strategically plan. Like the only times I could do that was when I was on trips or away from her or didn't have to pick her up the next morning.

Jane (51:37.762)
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's such a relief not to have to think about

Ashlee (51:43.906)
even worry about it. Yeah.

Jane (51:45.494)
Yeah. And so you committed to a year and then I guess you'll just kind of reevaluate if you want to continue on or what the future looks like in the future.

Ashlee (51:55.35)
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's that's the plan. So we'll get to the year and we'll just see where I'm at and how I'm feeling. And, you know, I, I think about it and I go, well, maybe I'll decide in the future that it'll be just like special event or I'll have like a half a glass of champagne at a wedding or something. But like, right now, in my mind, it's like, let's just get through this year and see.

how I feel and we'll just go from there. I'm not trying to put any sort of ideas around it right now.

Jane (52:31.48)
Yeah, yeah, I like the idea of an experiment. know, it's playful. It's like, you're just gonna see what happens. don't, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. It doesn't have to be moderation. It just, you're just gonna see. Yeah, yeah. Well, how can people find you? Are you on social media? Do you have a website? Tell them about that.

Ashlee (52:43.738)
Right, yeah, exactly.

Ashlee (52:55.508)
Yeah, so I'm on Instagram. I really have fun on there.

Ashlee (53:03.202)
I started a new Instagram account when I went alcohol free as sort of a way to hold myself accountable and share my journey with other people in hopes to also inspire them. you know, cause that was a big part of my decision to remove alcohol was seeing other people doing it and being inspired. so I started a soul beginnings. So it's S O L underscore beginnings. And it initially started out

of lemon and then I was meditating one morning and got a download like splash of lemon is like I could abbreviate that sol and I like that I like that it's like soul and so so yes you can find me on my Instagram at soul beginnings and I just I share a bit about alcohol and a bit about mindfulness and you know tips and things with that I've also started sharing books like a book of the month

Jane (53:43.532)
Yes.

Ashlee (53:59.61)
Because I want to continue on with that and having it become a community thing And then I also they can find me on my website. It's just ashroberts .com So they can find me there and I created a 22 -day guide to kickstart your alcohol -free journey, so

Jane (54:00.525)
I love that.

Jane (54:21.784)
That looks awesome.

Ashlee (54:23.374)
So yeah, they can locate that on my website as well. And then, you this fall I will have some sort of a scheduling tool on there where they can book, you know, discovery call with me and, and, know, potentially work with me in the future.

Jane (54:26.852)
Hey.

Jane (54:39.18)
Okay, great. Well, we'll be sure and link your guide and your website and your Instagram in the show notes so people can connect with you.

Ashlee (54:49.074)
Great.

Jane (54:50.832)
Well, Ashley, thank you so much. It's been so much fun getting to know you and getting to hear your story. And it's just so inspiring. And I can't wait to see what's in store for your future.

Ashlee (55:04.315)
Thank you so much. was a pleasure.

Jane (55:07.564)
Thank